It’s always a bit of a shock when you’re the contrarian and you discover someone meta-contrarianizing you on the outside lane. For example, here’s an interesting triad I just recently became aware of:
Base: monogamy is assumed without discussion, cheating is the end of a relationship unless maybe if you confess and swear to never do it again.
Contrarian: open/poly relationship is agreed upon after discussion, it’s not cheating if there’s no lying.
Meta-con: non-exclusivity is assumed, no discussion. Cheating is whatever, just don’t tell me about it.
I held the first position since I was a teenager, the second since my early twenties. The third one I have recently heard from a couple of young ladies in New York, where polyamory is quite popular. While it’s hard for me to see rationally why the third option would be better (don’t ask don’t tell vs. open agreement), I find the meta-contrarianism of it extremely seductive… Yvain, you may have just saved my next relationship.
It’s always a bit of a shock when you’re the contrarian and you discover someone meta-contrarianizing you on the outside lane. For example, here’s an interesting triad I just recently became aware of:
Base: monogamy is assumed without discussion, cheating is the end of a relationship unless maybe if you confess and swear to never do it again.
Contrarian: open/poly relationship is agreed upon after discussion, it’s not cheating if there’s no lying.
Meta-con: non-exclusivity is assumed, no discussion. Cheating is whatever, just don’t tell me about it.
I held the first position since I was a teenager, the second since my early twenties. The third one I have recently heard from a couple of young ladies in New York, where polyamory is quite popular. While it’s hard for me to see rationally why the third option would be better (don’t ask don’t tell vs. open agreement), I find the meta-contrarianism of it extremely seductive… Yvain, you may have just saved my next relationship.