On reflection, I do think both Duncan and Said are demonstrating a significant amount of hair-splitting and less consistent, clear communication than they seem to think. That’s not necessarily bad in and of itself—LW can be a place for making fine distinctions and working out unclear thoughts, when there’s something important there.
It’s really just using them as the basis for a callout and fuel for an endless escalation-spiral when they become problematic.
When I think about this situation from both Duncan and Said’s point of views to the best of my ability, I understand why they’d be angry/frustrated/whatever, and how the search for reasons and rebuttals has escalated to the point where the very human and ordinary flaws of inconsistency and hair-splitting can seem like huge failings.
At this point, I really have lost the ability and interest to track the rounds and rounds of prosecutorial hair-splitting across multiple comment threads. It was never fun, it’s not enlightening, and I don’t think it’s really the central issue at stake. It’s more of a bitch eating crackers scenario at this point.
I made an effort to understand Said’s point of view, and whatever his qualms with how I’ve expressed the crux of our disagreement, I feel satisfied with my level of understanding. From previous interactions and readings, I also think I understand what Duncan is frustrated about.
In my opinion, we need to disaggregate:
The interpersonal behavior of Duncan and Said
Their ideas
Their ways of expressing those ideas
My feeling right now is that Duncan and Said both have contributed valuable things in the past, and hopefully will in the future. Their ideas, and ways of expressing them, are not always perfect, and that is OK. But their approach to interpersonal behavior on this website, especially toward each other but also, to a lesser extent, toward other people, is not OK. We’re really in the middle of a classic feud where “who started it” and “who’s worse” and the litany of who-did-what-to-whom just goes on forever and ever, and I think the traditional solution in these cases is for some higher authority to come in and say “THIS FEUD IS DECLARED ENDED BY THE AUTHORITY OF THE CROWN.”
If they can both recognize that about themselves, I would be satisfied if they just agreed to not speak to each other for a long time and to drop the argument. I would also like it if they both worked on figuring out how to cut their rate of becoming involved in angry escalation-spirals in half. Now would be an excellent time to begin that journey. I would also be open to that being mod-enforced in some sense.
On reflection, I do think both Duncan and Said are demonstrating a significant amount of hair-splitting and less consistent, clear communication than they seem to think.
Communication is difficult; communication when subtleties must be conveyed, while there is interpersonal conflict taking place, much more difficult.
I don’t imagine that I have, in every comment I’ve written over the past day, or the past week (or month, or year, or decade), succeeded perfectly in getting my point across to all readers. I’ve tried to be clear and precise, as I always do; sometimes I succeed excellently, sometimes less so. If you say “Said, in that there comment you did not make your meaning very clear”, I think that’s a plausible criticism a priori, and certainly a fair one in some actual cases.
This is, to a greater or lesser degree, true of everyone. I think it is true of me less so than is the average—that is, I think that my writing tends to be more clear than most people’s. (Of course anyone is free to disagree; this sort of holistic judgment isn’t easy to operationalize!)
What I think I can’t be accused of, in general, is:
failing to provide (at least attempted) clarifications upon request
failing to cooperate with efforts aimed at achieving mutual understanding
failing to acknowledge the difficulties of communication, and to make reasonable attempts to overcome them
failing to maintain a civil and polite demeanor in the process
(Do you disagree?)
It also seems to me that there has been no “escalation” on my part, at any point in this process. (In general, I would say that as far as interpersonal behavior goes, mine has been close to exemplary given the circumstances.)
I am perfectly content to be ignored by Duncan. He is perfectly welcome to pretend that I don’t exist, as far as I’m concerned. I won’t even take it as an insult; I take the freedom of association quite seriously, and I believe that if some person simply doesn’t want to associate with another person, that is (barring various exceptional circumstances—having to do with, e.g., offices of public responsibility, etc.—none of which, as far as I can tell, apply here) their absolute right.
(Of course, that choice, while it is wholly Duncan’s, cannot possibly impose on me any obligation to act in any way I would not normally be obligated to act—to avoid referring to Duncan, to avoid replying to his comments, to avoid criticizing his ideas, etc. That’s just how the world is: you can control your own actions, but not the actions of others. Most people learn that lesson fairly early in life.)
What I think I can’t be accused of, in general, is:
failing to provide (at least attempted) clarifications upon request
failing to cooperate with efforts aimed at achieving mutual understanding
failing to acknowledge the difficulties of communication, and to make reasonable attempts to overcome them
failing to maintain a civil and polite demeanor in the process
(Do you disagree?)
Speaking to our interactions in this post, I do agree with you on all counts. Elsewhere, I think you fall short of my minimum definition of ‘cooperative,’ but I also understand that you have very different standards for what constitutes cooperative and I see this as a normative crux, one that is unlikely to be resolved through debate.
It also seems to me that there has been no “escalation” on my part, at any point in this process. (In general, I would say that as far as interpersonal behavior goes, mine has been close to exemplary given the circumstances.)
I also think this is true for our interactions here. Elsewhere, I disagree—you frequently are one of two main players in escalation spirals. I understand that, for you, that is typically the other person’s fault. The most charitable way I can put my point of view is that, even if it is the other person’s fault, I think that you should prioritize figuring out how to cut your rate of being involved in escalation spirals in half. That might involve a choice to reconsider certain comments, to comment differently, or to redirect your attention to people who have demonstrated a higher level of appreciation for your comments in the past.
(Of course, that choice, while it is wholly Duncan’s, cannot possibly impose on me any obligation to act in any way I would not normally be obligated to act—to avoid referring to Duncan, to avoid replying to his comments, to avoid criticizing his ideas, etc. That’s just how the world is: you can control your own actions, but not the actions of others. Most people learn that lesson fairly early in life.)
I think another lesson people learn early in life is that you can do whatever you want, but often, you shouldn’t, because it has negative effects on others, and they learn to empathically care about other people’s wellbeing. Our previous exchanges have convinced me that in important ways, you reject the idea that you ought to care about how your words and actions affect other people as long as they’re within the bounds of the law. Again, I think this just brings us back to the crux of our disagreement, over whether and to what extent the feelings of insult you provoke in others is a moral consideration in deciding how to interact.
As I have grown quite confident in the nature of our disagreement, as well as its intractability, I am going to commit to signing off of LessWrong entirely for two weeks, because I think it will distract me. I will revisit further comments of yours (or PMs if you prefer) at that time.
The most charitable way I can put my point of view is that, even if it is the other person’s fault, I think that you should prioritize figuring out how to cut your rate of being involved in escalation spirals in half.
If we’re referring to my participation in Less Wrong specifically (and I must assume that you are), then I have to point out that it would be very easy for me to cut my rate of being involved in what you call “escalation spirals” (regardless of whether I agree with your characterization of the situations in question) not only in half or even tenfold, but to zero. To do this, I would simply stop posting and commenting here.
The question then becomes whether there’s any unilateral action I can take, any unilateral change I can make, whose result would be that I could continue spending time on participation in Less Wrong discussions in such a way that there’s any point or utility in my doing so, while also to any non-trivial degree reducing the incidence of people being insulted (or “insulted”), escalating, etc.
It seems to me that there is not.
Certainly there are actions that other people (such as, say, the moderators of the site) could take, that would have that sort of outcome! Likewise, there are all sorts of trends, cultural shifts, organic changes in norms, etc., which would have a similarly fortuitous result.
But is there anything that I could do, alone, to “solve” this “problem”, other than just not posting or commenting here? I certainly can’t imagine anything like that.
(EDIT: And this is, of course, to say nothing of the question of whether it even should be “my problem to solve”! I think you can guess where I stand on that issue…)
Our previous exchanges have convinced me that in important ways, you reject the idea that you ought to care about how your words and actions affect other people as long as they’re within the bounds of the law.
I do not think that this is an accurate characterization of any views that I hold.
On reflection, I do think both Duncan and Said are demonstrating a significant amount of hair-splitting and less consistent, clear communication than they seem to think. That’s not necessarily bad in and of itself—LW can be a place for making fine distinctions and working out unclear thoughts, when there’s something important there.
It’s really just using them as the basis for a callout and fuel for an endless escalation-spiral when they become problematic.
When I think about this situation from both Duncan and Said’s point of views to the best of my ability, I understand why they’d be angry/frustrated/whatever, and how the search for reasons and rebuttals has escalated to the point where the very human and ordinary flaws of inconsistency and hair-splitting can seem like huge failings.
At this point, I really have lost the ability and interest to track the rounds and rounds of prosecutorial hair-splitting across multiple comment threads. It was never fun, it’s not enlightening, and I don’t think it’s really the central issue at stake. It’s more of a bitch eating crackers scenario at this point.
I made an effort to understand Said’s point of view, and whatever his qualms with how I’ve expressed the crux of our disagreement, I feel satisfied with my level of understanding. From previous interactions and readings, I also think I understand what Duncan is frustrated about.
In my opinion, we need to disaggregate:
The interpersonal behavior of Duncan and Said
Their ideas
Their ways of expressing those ideas
My feeling right now is that Duncan and Said both have contributed valuable things in the past, and hopefully will in the future. Their ideas, and ways of expressing them, are not always perfect, and that is OK. But their approach to interpersonal behavior on this website, especially toward each other but also, to a lesser extent, toward other people, is not OK. We’re really in the middle of a classic feud where “who started it” and “who’s worse” and the litany of who-did-what-to-whom just goes on forever and ever, and I think the traditional solution in these cases is for some higher authority to come in and say “THIS FEUD IS DECLARED ENDED BY THE AUTHORITY OF THE CROWN.”
If they can both recognize that about themselves, I would be satisfied if they just agreed to not speak to each other for a long time and to drop the argument. I would also like it if they both worked on figuring out how to cut their rate of becoming involved in angry escalation-spirals in half. Now would be an excellent time to begin that journey. I would also be open to that being mod-enforced in some sense.
Communication is difficult; communication when subtleties must be conveyed, while there is interpersonal conflict taking place, much more difficult.
I don’t imagine that I have, in every comment I’ve written over the past day, or the past week (or month, or year, or decade), succeeded perfectly in getting my point across to all readers. I’ve tried to be clear and precise, as I always do; sometimes I succeed excellently, sometimes less so. If you say “Said, in that there comment you did not make your meaning very clear”, I think that’s a plausible criticism a priori, and certainly a fair one in some actual cases.
This is, to a greater or lesser degree, true of everyone. I think it is true of me less so than is the average—that is, I think that my writing tends to be more clear than most people’s. (Of course anyone is free to disagree; this sort of holistic judgment isn’t easy to operationalize!)
What I think I can’t be accused of, in general, is:
failing to provide (at least attempted) clarifications upon request
failing to cooperate with efforts aimed at achieving mutual understanding
failing to acknowledge the difficulties of communication, and to make reasonable attempts to overcome them
failing to maintain a civil and polite demeanor in the process
(Do you disagree?)
It also seems to me that there has been no “escalation” on my part, at any point in this process. (In general, I would say that as far as interpersonal behavior goes, mine has been close to exemplary given the circumstances.)
I am perfectly content to be ignored by Duncan. He is perfectly welcome to pretend that I don’t exist, as far as I’m concerned. I won’t even take it as an insult; I take the freedom of association quite seriously, and I believe that if some person simply doesn’t want to associate with another person, that is (barring various exceptional circumstances—having to do with, e.g., offices of public responsibility, etc.—none of which, as far as I can tell, apply here) their absolute right.
(Of course, that choice, while it is wholly Duncan’s, cannot possibly impose on me any obligation to act in any way I would not normally be obligated to act—to avoid referring to Duncan, to avoid replying to his comments, to avoid criticizing his ideas, etc. That’s just how the world is: you can control your own actions, but not the actions of others. Most people learn that lesson fairly early in life.)
Speaking to our interactions in this post, I do agree with you on all counts. Elsewhere, I think you fall short of my minimum definition of ‘cooperative,’ but I also understand that you have very different standards for what constitutes cooperative and I see this as a normative crux, one that is unlikely to be resolved through debate.
I also think this is true for our interactions here. Elsewhere, I disagree—you frequently are one of two main players in escalation spirals. I understand that, for you, that is typically the other person’s fault. The most charitable way I can put my point of view is that, even if it is the other person’s fault, I think that you should prioritize figuring out how to cut your rate of being involved in escalation spirals in half. That might involve a choice to reconsider certain comments, to comment differently, or to redirect your attention to people who have demonstrated a higher level of appreciation for your comments in the past.
I think another lesson people learn early in life is that you can do whatever you want, but often, you shouldn’t, because it has negative effects on others, and they learn to empathically care about other people’s wellbeing. Our previous exchanges have convinced me that in important ways, you reject the idea that you ought to care about how your words and actions affect other people as long as they’re within the bounds of the law. Again, I think this just brings us back to the crux of our disagreement, over whether and to what extent the feelings of insult you provoke in others is a moral consideration in deciding how to interact.
As I have grown quite confident in the nature of our disagreement, as well as its intractability, I am going to commit to signing off of LessWrong entirely for two weeks, because I think it will distract me. I will revisit further comments of yours (or PMs if you prefer) at that time.
If we’re referring to my participation in Less Wrong specifically (and I must assume that you are), then I have to point out that it would be very easy for me to cut my rate of being involved in what you call “escalation spirals” (regardless of whether I agree with your characterization of the situations in question) not only in half or even tenfold, but to zero. To do this, I would simply stop posting and commenting here.
The question then becomes whether there’s any unilateral action I can take, any unilateral change I can make, whose result would be that I could continue spending time on participation in Less Wrong discussions in such a way that there’s any point or utility in my doing so, while also to any non-trivial degree reducing the incidence of people being insulted (or “insulted”), escalating, etc.
It seems to me that there is not.
Certainly there are actions that other people (such as, say, the moderators of the site) could take, that would have that sort of outcome! Likewise, there are all sorts of trends, cultural shifts, organic changes in norms, etc., which would have a similarly fortuitous result.
But is there anything that I could do, alone, to “solve” this “problem”, other than just not posting or commenting here? I certainly can’t imagine anything like that.
(EDIT: And this is, of course, to say nothing of the question of whether it even should be “my problem to solve”! I think you can guess where I stand on that issue…)
I do not think that this is an accurate characterization of any views that I hold.