Note that I’m not looking for PUA-type advice … I want is advice on a) how not to fall so hard/so fast for (a very small minority of) women, and b)how to break the spell the current one has over me without giving up her friendship.
Seems to me like you want to overcome your “one-itis” and stop being a “beta orbiter”, but you are not looking for an advice which would actually use words like “one-itis” and “beta orbiter”. I know it’s an exaggeration, but this is almost how it seems to me. Well, I’ll try to comply:
1) You don’t have to maximize the number of sexual partners. You still could try to increase a number of interesting women you had interesting conversation with. I believe that is perfectly morally okay, and still could reduce the feeling of scarcity.
Actually, any interesting activity would be helpful. Anything you can think about, instead of spending your time thinking about that one person.
2) Regularly interacting the person you are obsessed with is exactly how you maximize the length of obsession. It’s like saying that you want to overcome your alcohol addiction, but you don’t want to stop drinking regularly. Well, if one is not an alcoholic, they can manage to drink moderately without developing an addiction; but when one already is an alcoholic, the only way to quit is to stop drinking, completely, for a very long time. The reliable way to overcome the obsession with another person is to stop all contact for, I don’t know, maybe three months. No talking, no phone calls, no e-mails, no checking her facebook page, no praying to her statue or a photograph, no asking mutual friends about how she lives, no composing poems about her… absolutely no new information about her and no imaginary interaction with her. And doing something meaningful instead.
When the obsession is over, then you can try the friendship. Until then, it’s just an obsession rationalized as friendship; an addiction rationalized as not wanting to give up the good parts.
Seems to me like you want to overcome your “one-itis” and stop being a “beta orbiter”, but you are not looking for an advice which would actually use words like “one-itis” and “beta orbiter”. I know it’s an exaggeration, but this is almost how it seems to me. Well, I’ll try to comply:
1) You don’t have to maximize the number of sexual partners. You still could try to increase a number of interesting women you had interesting conversation with. I believe that is perfectly morally okay, and still could reduce the feeling of scarcity.
Actually, any interesting activity would be helpful. Anything you can think about, instead of spending your time thinking about that one person.
2) Regularly interacting the person you are obsessed with is exactly how you maximize the length of obsession. It’s like saying that you want to overcome your alcohol addiction, but you don’t want to stop drinking regularly. Well, if one is not an alcoholic, they can manage to drink moderately without developing an addiction; but when one already is an alcoholic, the only way to quit is to stop drinking, completely, for a very long time. The reliable way to overcome the obsession with another person is to stop all contact for, I don’t know, maybe three months. No talking, no phone calls, no e-mails, no checking her facebook page, no praying to her statue or a photograph, no asking mutual friends about how she lives, no composing poems about her… absolutely no new information about her and no imaginary interaction with her. And doing something meaningful instead.
When the obsession is over, then you can try the friendship. Until then, it’s just an obsession rationalized as friendship; an addiction rationalized as not wanting to give up the good parts.