I think polyamory is big in the rationalist community; what is the consensus on the effects of experimenting with it on later satisfaction with monogamy?
I’m not sure how useful the question is (but I’m still curious how people with that particular experience might answer). From my discussions on polyamory with people who are polyamorous, it seems to be rather like an orientation. Some people are only happy in polyamorous relationships, others are only happy in monogamous relationships, while still others don’t have a strong preference. A person with a strong preference for polyamory would likely be unsatisfied with a monogamous relationship, while someone with a monogamous preferences would be happy to not be polyamorous anymore.
What I’m trying to say is: This is a bit like asking: What is the effects of experimenting with sexual intercourse with people of the same sex on later satisfaction with sexual intercourse with people of a different sex? The answer’s going to vary widely depending on whether people are homo-, bi-, or heterosexual.
I don’t think there are enough people who have tried it and then gone back to being monogamous for there to be a consensus—but there are a few people who have, for example, Patri Friedman.
I would guess that these people will find monogamy more satisfying after going back to it.
For me, it’s made me more able to cope with all sorts of issues, a better communicator etc, but didn’t change overall satisfaction secondary to those effects.
Although the rate of polyamory within the LW-space is higher than in the general populace (IIRC, last survey had ~15% poly, ~30% unsure, >50% monogamous within LW), the rate of cheating among ostensible monogamists is quite high in the general population — and possibly also within LW as well.
(We shouldn’t assume that LWers are more fundamentally honest than everyone else.)
I think polyamory is big in the rationalist community; what is the consensus on the effects of experimenting with it on later satisfaction with monogamy?
I’m not sure how useful the question is (but I’m still curious how people with that particular experience might answer). From my discussions on polyamory with people who are polyamorous, it seems to be rather like an orientation. Some people are only happy in polyamorous relationships, others are only happy in monogamous relationships, while still others don’t have a strong preference. A person with a strong preference for polyamory would likely be unsatisfied with a monogamous relationship, while someone with a monogamous preferences would be happy to not be polyamorous anymore.
What I’m trying to say is: This is a bit like asking: What is the effects of experimenting with sexual intercourse with people of the same sex on later satisfaction with sexual intercourse with people of a different sex? The answer’s going to vary widely depending on whether people are homo-, bi-, or heterosexual.
I don’t think there are enough people who have tried it and then gone back to being monogamous for there to be a consensus—but there are a few people who have, for example, Patri Friedman.
I would guess that these people will find monogamy more satisfying after going back to it.
For me, it’s made me more able to cope with all sorts of issues, a better communicator etc, but didn’t change overall satisfaction secondary to those effects.
Question seconded.
Something to think about:
Although the rate of polyamory within the LW-space is higher than in the general populace (IIRC, last survey had ~15% poly, ~30% unsure, >50% monogamous within LW), the rate of cheating among ostensible monogamists is quite high in the general population — and possibly also within LW as well.
(We shouldn’t assume that LWers are more fundamentally honest than everyone else.)