For many years, I thought privacy was a fake virtue and only valuable for self-defense. I understood that some people would be unfairly persecuted for their minority sexuality, say, or stigmatized disease status, but I always saw that more as a flaw in society and not a point in favor of privacy. I thought privacy was an important right, but that the ideal was not to need it.
I’m coming back around to privacy for a few reasons, first of which was my several year experiment with radical transparency. For a lot of that time, it seemed to be working. Secrets didn’t pile up and incubate shame, and white lies were no longer at my fingertips. I felt less embarrassed and ashamed over the kind of things everyone has but no one talks about. Not all of it was unhealthy sharing, but I knew I frequently met the definition of oversharing– I just didn’t understand what was wrong with that.
I noticed after several years of this behavior that I wasn’t as in touch with my true feelings. At first I thought my total honesty policy had purged me of a lot of the messy and conflicted feelings I used to have. But there was something suspiciously shallow about these more presentable feelings. I now believe that, because I scrupulously reported almost anything to anyone who asked (or didn’t ask), I conveniently stopped being aware of a lot of my most personal and tender feelings. (Consequently, I 100% believe Trivers’s theory of self-deception.) I had calloused my feelings by overexposing them, and made them my armor. When my real, tender feelings went underground, the “transparency” only got more intense, because I was left free to believe more flattering and shareable things about myself in the gap, conscience completely clear.
I think it’s possible that radical honesty is net-positive, but it’s also possible that it drives dishonesty even deeper into your psyche where it’s even harder to track it.
(Separately, I’ve heard a lot of things about Bridgewater culture feeling pretty abusive. I’ve worked in one company run by ex-Bridgewater people who were trying to be “Bridgewater, but kinder and coming from a place of compassion”, but that still failed and still felt fairly traumatizing. I think it’s much easier to get this wrong than right and getting it wrong is costly)
I do think underlying goal you’re pointing at is good – finding some way to increase honesty and accountability, esp. among leaders, is good.
I think it’s possible that radical honesty is net-positive, but it’s also possible that it drives dishonesty even deeper into your psyche where it’s even harder to track it.
I think is possibly very true, and I suspect a “Crocker’s Rules” type policy to have a similar issue, however, I think the radical transparency (as opposed to radical honesty, which is having to share everything) on net is pretty good because it prevents political games.
Re:Bridgewater—I expect most DDOs to feel abusive, wrong, or culty to the wrong people. I’ve been part of two organizations in my life that I would consider “doing DDOs right”, and both of them I think would be horrible and abusive places for certain people.
I think is possibly very true, and I suspect a “Crocker’s Rules” type policy to have a similar issue, however, I think the radical transparency (as opposed to radical honesty, which is having to share everything) on net is pretty good because it prevents political games.
Is that an update for you or something that seemed true when you wrote the OP, that you feel you accounted for when proposing the radical transparency thing?
This was the one part of this essay I had qualms about. I think it’s best articulated by this essay about radical honesty.
I think it’s possible that radical honesty is net-positive, but it’s also possible that it drives dishonesty even deeper into your psyche where it’s even harder to track it.
(Separately, I’ve heard a lot of things about Bridgewater culture feeling pretty abusive. I’ve worked in one company run by ex-Bridgewater people who were trying to be “Bridgewater, but kinder and coming from a place of compassion”, but that still failed and still felt fairly traumatizing. I think it’s much easier to get this wrong than right and getting it wrong is costly)
I do think underlying goal you’re pointing at is good – finding some way to increase honesty and accountability, esp. among leaders, is good.
I think is possibly very true, and I suspect a “Crocker’s Rules” type policy to have a similar issue, however, I think the radical transparency (as opposed to radical honesty, which is having to share everything) on net is pretty good because it prevents political games.
Re:Bridgewater—I expect most DDOs to feel abusive, wrong, or culty to the wrong people. I’ve been part of two organizations in my life that I would consider “doing DDOs right”, and both of them I think would be horrible and abusive places for certain people.
Is that an update for you or something that seemed true when you wrote the OP, that you feel you accounted for when proposing the radical transparency thing?
It’s an update for me.
:thumbsup: