The primitives here aren’t exactly the ones I would use, for instance “oneself” is making an assumption about the nature of self that seems to extend to the rest of this essay, but it’s something that my felt sense of has changed over time to where it’s no longer a fully natural category. There’s no longer “oneself” that I can put a mask on, or that I can display a full version of.
The assumption of an optimal strategy for all situations seems also quite off to me. The way I relate to how “cognitive/filtered I am vs. “present/spontaneous” is moderated by several specifics of any given environment, situation, social group, or intention. I may be more filtered in an environment that’s unfamiliar and has a lot of unstated expectations, I may be less filtered in an environment where there’s not a specific intention I’m holding. I would think much more about “When should I be more and less filtered” than “Should I be more or less filtered.”
This idea of shaping your identity doesn’t have to feel like hiding or stifling. It can feel much more like playing, going to a costume party, or singing. It can be like finding a new range, or trying a new singing style. Playing with your range of expression can be quite fun.
Your considerations are all pretty reasonable but I think this post is mostly addressing higher-level considerations and it’s specifically focused on something like ‘indirect social considerations’ and it most reminds me of explicit conscious reasoning about, e.g. whether to ‘censor’ oneself.
Is what you describe in [1] good generally? What’s the cost-benefit analysis of maintaining less ‘selves’?
[2] seems to assume that are no significant abstract higher-level considerations, i.e. ‘of course it’s all dependent of specific contextual details’. I don’t disagree – pragmatically – but it does seem to me like a real and significant cost. Are there ‘profitable’ benefits to coordinating socially to lower those costs?
This idea of shaping your identity doesn’t have to feel like hiding or stifling.
I agree somewhat but I’m not sure how useful it is to tell anyone that they don’t have to feel some way that they report they do feel. Consciously ‘censoring’ oneself – or feeling like one is doing that – probably can’t usefully also feel like “playing with your range of expression”. And is it even possible to entirely avoid feeling like one is “hiding or stifling” if one believes that some (true) info would be damaging if revealed?
Is what you describe in [1] good generally? What’s the cost-benefit analysis of maintaining less ‘selves’?
I can’t really make a value judgement on it but I think it does give much more “degrees of freedom”. That is, I can still seem to do and finding meaning in everything I used to, but I can now do and find meaning in more things. I don’t really know if I’m better off or happier bit I do think I have a broader ability to effect change. One trade-off is that while it feels easier to step into someone else’s shoes, it seems harder for others to step into mine, as this fluid selves thing is less common.
[2] seems to assume that are no significant abstract higher-level considerations, i.e. ‘of course it’s all dependent of specific contextual details’. I don’t disagree – pragmatically – but it does seem to me like a real and significant cost. Are there ‘profitable’ benefits to coordinating socially to lower those costs?
Doesn’t it seem likely that there are some social contexts where it would be profitable, and some where it would not? I think a more useful approach would be to ask something like “What are the features of a social context that make it more or less profitable to coordinate around this?”
I agree somewhat but I’m not sure how useful it is to tell anyone that they don’t have to feel some way that they report they do feel. Consciously ‘censoring’ oneself – or feeling like one is doing that – probably can’t usefully also feel like “playing with your range of expression”.
I think talking about new mindsets or ways of being can be quite helpful IF people have the skill of internalizing a mindset. I talk about how to gain that skill here.
And is it even possible to entirely avoid feeling like one is “hiding or stifling” if one believes that some (true) info would be damaging if revealed?
I think so? I certainly have been in situations where I was consciously withholding information and not consciously noticing a stifling feeling. I think not having a single “oneself” can help here, because it doesn’t feel like I’m hiding “myself”, it’s more like I’m playing stratego and not wanting to give away the identity of a piece—it doesn’t feel like a loss of something
A few considerations:
The primitives here aren’t exactly the ones I would use, for instance “oneself” is making an assumption about the nature of self that seems to extend to the rest of this essay, but it’s something that my felt sense of has changed over time to where it’s no longer a fully natural category. There’s no longer “oneself” that I can put a mask on, or that I can display a full version of.
The assumption of an optimal strategy for all situations seems also quite off to me. The way I relate to how “cognitive/filtered I am vs. “present/spontaneous” is moderated by several specifics of any given environment, situation, social group, or intention. I may be more filtered in an environment that’s unfamiliar and has a lot of unstated expectations, I may be less filtered in an environment where there’s not a specific intention I’m holding. I would think much more about “When should I be more and less filtered” than “Should I be more or less filtered.”
This idea of shaping your identity doesn’t have to feel like hiding or stifling. It can feel much more like playing, going to a costume party, or singing. It can be like finding a new range, or trying a new singing style. Playing with your range of expression can be quite fun.
Your considerations are all pretty reasonable but I think this post is mostly addressing higher-level considerations and it’s specifically focused on something like ‘indirect social considerations’ and it most reminds me of explicit conscious reasoning about, e.g. whether to ‘censor’ oneself.
Is what you describe in [1] good generally? What’s the cost-benefit analysis of maintaining less ‘selves’?
[2] seems to assume that are no significant abstract higher-level considerations, i.e. ‘of course it’s all dependent of specific contextual details’. I don’t disagree – pragmatically – but it does seem to me like a real and significant cost. Are there ‘profitable’ benefits to coordinating socially to lower those costs?
I agree somewhat but I’m not sure how useful it is to tell anyone that they don’t have to feel some way that they report they do feel. Consciously ‘censoring’ oneself – or feeling like one is doing that – probably can’t usefully also feel like “playing with your range of expression”. And is it even possible to entirely avoid feeling like one is “hiding or stifling” if one believes that some (true) info would be damaging if revealed?
I can’t really make a value judgement on it but I think it does give much more “degrees of freedom”. That is, I can still seem to do and finding meaning in everything I used to, but I can now do and find meaning in more things. I don’t really know if I’m better off or happier bit I do think I have a broader ability to effect change. One trade-off is that while it feels easier to step into someone else’s shoes, it seems harder for others to step into mine, as this fluid selves thing is less common.
Doesn’t it seem likely that there are some social contexts where it would be profitable, and some where it would not? I think a more useful approach would be to ask something like “What are the features of a social context that make it more or less profitable to coordinate around this?”
I think talking about new mindsets or ways of being can be quite helpful IF people have the skill of internalizing a mindset. I talk about how to gain that skill here.
I think so? I certainly have been in situations where I was consciously withholding information and not consciously noticing a stifling feeling. I think not having a single “oneself” can help here, because it doesn’t feel like I’m hiding “myself”, it’s more like I’m playing stratego and not wanting to give away the identity of a piece—it doesn’t feel like a loss of something