I liked most of this, and upvoted, but to register one disagreement and one caveat:
76. After a breakup, cease all contact as soon as practical. The potential for drama is endless, and the potential for a good friendship is negligible.
This is completely different from my experience and that of several other people I know. I’m on friendly terms with most of my exes and still consider at least one of them family-in-spirit (and was just asked to be a secular godparent after she had a child a few months ago). My parents also remained in good terms with each other after breaking up, and I’ve seen plenty of other people likewise have no trouble being friends with their exes.
98. People don’t realize how much they hate commuting. A nice house farther from work is not worth the fraction of your life you are giving to boredom and fatigue.
I think the “commuting is bad” advice mostly applies to driving a car, which prevents you from using the time for anything useful. If you have the chance to use public transit with few to no transfers, then your commute can serve as a nice block of time that can be devoted to e.g. reading or meditating.
Can second the not-driving-a-car commute thing. A long commute by bus I used to have amounted to 5 km of walking going to and from the bus stops, with optional podcast listening, and an hour of focused book-reading time every day. It made a big extra dent in my schedule, but walking and book-reading are both things I’d want to be doing regularly in any case.
76 was originally disclaimed with “wait a year before trying to be friends”, which maybe should be added back in. I think friendship with exes is often doable eventually, it’s the immediate aftermath where I think people handle themselves poorly and add trouble to whatever trouble made them break up.
Also absolutely agree with this first point. Many of my relationships began as friendships and comfortably reverted to friendships when the romantic relationship was no longer working. In fact, I am often suspicious when someone is unable to get along with exes, or at least have a civil relationship. It makes me question that person’s capacity towards forgiveness and also wonder whether they have a tendency to drama.
I think commuting by car is fine if you can do books on tape or podcasts and if your drive is relatively stress free. I actually miss that time.
On the other hand if your commute is a 1-3 hour endless slog of fighting for position on congested streets and dangerous situations, than yeah absolutely avoid it at all costs.
IF you can be friends with an ex why did you even break up? Had a case of the grass being greener somewhere else? Can’t commit to someone for life? Promiscuity is destroying society and children’s lives.
I liked most of this, and upvoted, but to register one disagreement and one caveat:
This is completely different from my experience and that of several other people I know. I’m on friendly terms with most of my exes and still consider at least one of them family-in-spirit (and was just asked to be a secular godparent after she had a child a few months ago). My parents also remained in good terms with each other after breaking up, and I’ve seen plenty of other people likewise have no trouble being friends with their exes.
I think the “commuting is bad” advice mostly applies to driving a car, which prevents you from using the time for anything useful. If you have the chance to use public transit with few to no transfers, then your commute can serve as a nice block of time that can be devoted to e.g. reading or meditating.
Can second the not-driving-a-car commute thing. A long commute by bus I used to have amounted to 5 km of walking going to and from the bus stops, with optional podcast listening, and an hour of focused book-reading time every day. It made a big extra dent in my schedule, but walking and book-reading are both things I’d want to be doing regularly in any case.
76 was originally disclaimed with “wait a year before trying to be friends”, which maybe should be added back in. I think friendship with exes is often doable eventually, it’s the immediate aftermath where I think people handle themselves poorly and add trouble to whatever trouble made them break up.
Also absolutely agree with this first point. Many of my relationships began as friendships and comfortably reverted to friendships when the romantic relationship was no longer working. In fact, I am often suspicious when someone is unable to get along with exes, or at least have a civil relationship. It makes me question that person’s capacity towards forgiveness and also wonder whether they have a tendency to drama.
I think commuting by car is fine if you can do books on tape or podcasts and if your drive is relatively stress free. I actually miss that time.
On the other hand if your commute is a 1-3 hour endless slog of fighting for position on congested streets and dangerous situations, than yeah absolutely avoid it at all costs.
It occurs to me, I’m not sure whether all the “community sucks” literature has tried to distinguish between commutes of different quality levels.
IF you can be friends with an ex why did you even break up? Had a case of the grass being greener somewhere else? Can’t commit to someone for life? Promiscuity is destroying society and children’s lives.
It seems like the things I want in friendship and romantic relationships are different.