Whether what you write in the above comment is true or not (and by the way, I should mention that I believe you), it’s an empirical fact about human psychology that taking a “holier than thou” attitude never helps if you want the other person to actually listen. And maybe it doesn’t feel to you like you’re taking a “holier than thou” attitude—or even any attitude at all. Maybe to you, you’re just stating the facts. That’s fine. But you’ve got to take into the account how the other person feels—and speaking for myself, I perceived a lot of condescension from your comment. (And then there’s also the fact that the average person on LW is much less likely to take authority as an argument, anyway.)
I’m not quite sure how to signal greater knowledge without also issuing a status challenge, and I somewhat doubt that there is a way. But you could do a lot better simply by cleaning up your tone a bit. For example, this
You’re totally misreading the situation: I could be talking to people who are thousands of times more sophisticated than you, and it would be much more interesting to me, and instead I’m talking to you becsuse I care about you. It should make you feel much higher status than you currently are, not like I’m being offensive. But ultimately, if you’re not receptive, I can’t do anything to help. :-(
could have been phrased as
You can feel free to disagree about the level of my accomplishments if you want, although I should note that the people I’m talking about aren’t likely to pat you on the back for just “jumping through hoops”. But ultimately, I’m making these posts because I care about helping you. If you don’t want my help or you think my help is suspect, there’s nothing forcing you to take my advice. However, questioning my level of ability is not really productive, in my opinion; if you think I’m not qualified to give advice, just don’t take my advice.
EDIT: I’m not saying Lumifer’s been doing any better. In particular, “your arguments are that of a child” was really poorly phrased, IMO.
Thanks for the feedback, I do really appreciate it – I think that you’re absolutely right. I was showing an empathy deficit there. Consistently showing empathy is difficult, and I’m working on it.
But I shouldn’t face social punishment for spending thousands of hours developing deep subject matter knowledge. I shouldn’t face social punishment for having a deep desire to help people. It shouldn’t be that people who have the stated objectives of being less wrong and overcoming bias are hostile to me for speaking the truth. That’s not a good incentive structure for our culture (whether on LW or in the world) to adopt.
For many years I felt like I couldn’t be open about who I am, even amongst Less Wrong people or mathematicians. I’m not going to hide who I am just so that people don’t have to feel uncomfortable about someone being more sophisticated and empathetic than they are. The sin of underconfidence is just as dangerous as the sin of overconfidence. If people can’t handle knowing the facts about me, it’s because they have psychological issues to work out rather than because there’s something wrong with me.
Edit: I may appear to be exhibiting an empathy deficit here as well – it’s sort of inevitable, I shouldn’t be internalizing perspectives that are fundamentally misguided at the cost of my own mental health.
In particular, “your arguments are that of a child” was really poorly phrased, IMO.
So, I certainly cringed empathetically when I read that—but on reflection I agreed with the assessment, and the issue I saw was that it was said in public, and by someone who doesn’t seem to have established rapport beforehand. So I’m not sure I agree that it’s a phrasing issue.
Whether what you write in the above comment is true or not (and by the way, I should mention that I believe you), it’s an empirical fact about human psychology that taking a “holier than thou” attitude never helps if you want the other person to actually listen. And maybe it doesn’t feel to you like you’re taking a “holier than thou” attitude—or even any attitude at all. Maybe to you, you’re just stating the facts. That’s fine. But you’ve got to take into the account how the other person feels—and speaking for myself, I perceived a lot of condescension from your comment. (And then there’s also the fact that the average person on LW is much less likely to take authority as an argument, anyway.)
I’m not quite sure how to signal greater knowledge without also issuing a status challenge, and I somewhat doubt that there is a way. But you could do a lot better simply by cleaning up your tone a bit. For example, this
could have been phrased as
EDIT: I’m not saying Lumifer’s been doing any better. In particular, “your arguments are that of a child” was really poorly phrased, IMO.
Thanks for the feedback, I do really appreciate it – I think that you’re absolutely right. I was showing an empathy deficit there. Consistently showing empathy is difficult, and I’m working on it.
But I shouldn’t face social punishment for spending thousands of hours developing deep subject matter knowledge. I shouldn’t face social punishment for having a deep desire to help people. It shouldn’t be that people who have the stated objectives of being less wrong and overcoming bias are hostile to me for speaking the truth. That’s not a good incentive structure for our culture (whether on LW or in the world) to adopt.
For many years I felt like I couldn’t be open about who I am, even amongst Less Wrong people or mathematicians. I’m not going to hide who I am just so that people don’t have to feel uncomfortable about someone being more sophisticated and empathetic than they are. The sin of underconfidence is just as dangerous as the sin of overconfidence. If people can’t handle knowing the facts about me, it’s because they have psychological issues to work out rather than because there’s something wrong with me.
Edit: I may appear to be exhibiting an empathy deficit here as well – it’s sort of inevitable, I shouldn’t be internalizing perspectives that are fundamentally misguided at the cost of my own mental health.
So, I certainly cringed empathetically when I read that—but on reflection I agreed with the assessment, and the issue I saw was that it was said in public, and by someone who doesn’t seem to have established rapport beforehand. So I’m not sure I agree that it’s a phrasing issue.