It would make me feel so good if I could help you.
LOL. I don’t know if you’re imitating a Christian missionary or a Jewish mother, but you’re doing it badly.
But you can’t love someone who doesn’t want you to love him/her.
You can, but the relevant thing is that yes, I have no particular desire for you to love me. I suspect the same is true for the great majority of the LW population. And if I ever go looking for unconditional love, Jesus has a much better spiel that you do—and He, at least, died for my sins :-P
LOL. I don’t know if you’re imitating a Christian missionary or a Jewish mother, but you’re doing it badly.
To be blunt, I think that what’s going on here is that you have an empathy deficit and so don’t experience the warm fuzzy feelings around helping people that some people do. There are some people who would immediately understand where I’m coming from, and say “that totally makes sense.” You seem to be Generalizing From One Example. I don’t know whether it’s genetic or environmental, mutable or immutable, but it’s sad.
You can, but the relevant thing is that yes, I have no particular desire for you to love me.
I’m not generalizing—I’m pointing out that you, singular, you personally are doing it badly. And you are putting a lot of effort into not hearing this message. By the way, have you noticed how your last few comments started to focus on me and my shortcoming and deficiencies?
By the way, have you noticed how your last few comments started to focus on me and my shortcoming and deficiencies?
Not exclusively, I also mentioned my many years of failed efforts along these lines. I’m not claiming that my efforts have been useful. It’s possible that you’ve actually helped people more than I have. My comments about you were made with a view toward giving a comprehensive explanation of why I’m bowing out of the conversation.
The general pattern is “I tried to help people and they misconstrued it because they didn’t have enough empathy to have a visceral understanding of the fact that I wanted to help them, so rather than being touched, they just found it irritating, and I made sacrifices when it should have been a priori clear that they were doomed to failure.” I finally get it now.
The problem is that you believe that your internal motivation justifies your expectations of other people.
Because your intentions are virtuous you expect that other people be “touched”, be grateful, help you by steelmanning your arguments, etc. And it’s not a matter of empathy, it’s a matter of whether your state of mind imposes obligations on other people. It looks reasonable to you because from your point of view you only want to teach and it’s reasonable that other people help you teach them. But try taking an external view (and try being more consequentialist, too).
Christian missionaries appeared in this subthread not by accident—they also care and also want to help and also make sacrifices to teach what they teach.
We’re not in disagreement! :-) What I’m saying is that after many years, I finally came around to understanding what you’re telling me right now. Your remarks are a useful update further in the same direction. I’ve genuinely benefitted from this interaction.
LOL. I don’t know if you’re imitating a Christian missionary or a Jewish mother, but you’re doing it badly.
You can, but the relevant thing is that yes, I have no particular desire for you to love me. I suspect the same is true for the great majority of the LW population. And if I ever go looking for unconditional love, Jesus has a much better spiel that you do—and He, at least, died for my sins :-P
To be blunt, I think that what’s going on here is that you have an empathy deficit and so don’t experience the warm fuzzy feelings around helping people that some people do. There are some people who would immediately understand where I’m coming from, and say “that totally makes sense.” You seem to be Generalizing From One Example. I don’t know whether it’s genetic or environmental, mutable or immutable, but it’s sad.
Yes, so I’ll stop and withdraw.
I’m not generalizing—I’m pointing out that you, singular, you personally are doing it badly. And you are putting a lot of effort into not hearing this message. By the way, have you noticed how your last few comments started to focus on me and my shortcoming and deficiencies?
Not exclusively, I also mentioned my many years of failed efforts along these lines. I’m not claiming that my efforts have been useful. It’s possible that you’ve actually helped people more than I have. My comments about you were made with a view toward giving a comprehensive explanation of why I’m bowing out of the conversation.
The general pattern is “I tried to help people and they misconstrued it because they didn’t have enough empathy to have a visceral understanding of the fact that I wanted to help them, so rather than being touched, they just found it irritating, and I made sacrifices when it should have been a priori clear that they were doomed to failure.” I finally get it now.
The problem is that you believe that your internal motivation justifies your expectations of other people.
Because your intentions are virtuous you expect that other people be “touched”, be grateful, help you by steelmanning your arguments, etc. And it’s not a matter of empathy, it’s a matter of whether your state of mind imposes obligations on other people. It looks reasonable to you because from your point of view you only want to teach and it’s reasonable that other people help you teach them. But try taking an external view (and try being more consequentialist, too).
Christian missionaries appeared in this subthread not by accident—they also care and also want to help and also make sacrifices to teach what they teach.
We’re not in disagreement! :-) What I’m saying is that after many years, I finally came around to understanding what you’re telling me right now. Your remarks are a useful update further in the same direction. I’ve genuinely benefitted from this interaction.