Wait, hold on. You can’t just flood Hell. There are people down there, apparently preserved well enough to torture for eternity without ageing (except if ageing is the torture, of course). Surely there’s some way to exploit this!
Also, Hell would mean Lucifer is somewhere down there. Do you think we can dredge him up for a decent Faustian bargain? Any decent LW-er should be able to do a few things with Faust’s traditional Omni-Knowledge that should render Christian-style immortal souls obsolete and unnecessary, and possibly irretrievable when Lucifer comes collecting as well.
Ehh, The Salvation War has some interesting moments about facing down existential threats and not giving up and building a bright future for humanity across the corpses of eldritch horrors, but you have to be willing to slog through a lot of drek. I read the first book of The Salvation War and it can’t seem to make up its mind just to what extent it’s supposed to be following any particular cosmology, mythology, or theology. I get the impression that it wants to be a chronicle of the moment when humanity cast down the Hordes of Hell, but it’s executed more like a chronicle of the moment when humanity engaged in massive amounts of gun porn against acid-blooded fire-spitting lightning-throwing ogres, that happened to be called demons. I say ogres because they’re large, brutish, stupid, and generally fill much the same niche as ogres do in Dungeons&Dragons. Whereas many of the classical demonic attributes like temptation, seduction, offering forbidden knowledge, reading the hearts of men to know your dark secrets and embarassing desires, or confronting you with a litany of your sins, have been left more or less by the wayside.
I got the impression that The Salvation War might have happened when the author read a synopsis of the Old Testament and noticed that, with a few obvious exceptions like that creation narrative thing, we can now do just about everything that God’s cited as doing. Which is a nifty observation and would make for a good short story, but I don’t think it can quite carry something the length of a long novel.
Particularly in the MilSF genre, which devolves rapidly if it ever becomes obvious that the central conflict’s heavily weighted towards the protagonists.
I got the impression that The Salvation War might have happened when the author read a synopsis of the Old Testament and noticed that, with a few obvious exceptions like that creation narrative thing, we can now do just about everything that God’s cited as doing.
Your impression is exactly correct. That is literally what happened, at least according to the TVTropes page.
They do have seduction. They just never managed to use it successfully. Mostly because people quickly started wearing tinfoil hats. That doesn’t stop it completely, but if everyone can see that you’re a demon, all the pheromones will do is make them stop being uncomfortable with you.
They can read the hearts of men to know their dark secrets and embarrassing desires, but they’ve never used it for more than sorting souls into the nine circles of hell, for no adequately explained reason.
It’s more because of counters. I don’t think that was even the main reason tinfoil hats became popular.
Although the demons could have made much better use of their portals. Emptying volcanoes onto cities isn’t easy, but heaven later showed that a pile of rocks can do major damage, if you drop them from high enough.
I got the impression that heaven would have won had Lemuel actually thought they could, instead of figuring out how he could come out on top when they lose.
Tinfoil hats and air vents to blow away the pheromones, as I recall. But there’s certainly some incompetence involved when the demons use highly outdated military intelligence in their choice of targets, resulting in a devastating attack on the Arsenal of Democracy.
As I recall, the justification for this in the story is that the demons are really long-lived, and human civilization has historically been very slow to change, so by demon standards decades-old intelligence on humans is recent and it’s reasonable to expect that Detroit would still be a very important target. I have difficulty buying this—partly because it feels like a post hoc excuse for incompetence rather than the incompetence being logically extrapolated from the lifespan, partly because of the amount of secondary incompetence involved in not noticing that things have changed, and partly because rapid massive change in the power distribution of human societies isn’t even all that new: e.g. Alexander the Great conquered his way from Greece to India in about fifteen years.
It’s clever, but I don’t think the workers would be irrational for sealing it up.
If Hell is real, then it makes sense to conclude Christianity or Islam is mostly true too. Which means that a super-powerful agent wants those people tortured. If you try and save them, you will fail. (There’s no thwarting an omnipotent or near-omnipotent being). And this agent will probably torture you too for trying.
When I try and imagine what the god who could exist and call himself Yahweh and not have been noticed until now would do in a situation, my brain spits out “do nothing and continue to hide oneself, because it was part of the plan all along”
So maybe by flooding Hell you’re acausally making Yahweh decide in advance when he made the plan “I’m gonna torture people up until this person floods Hell.” instead of “I’m gonna torture them forever.”
Cool response! Upvoted. But when I saw the comic, I read it as:
“Hey! Certain things are pretty scary and seem to be beyond our human abilities to deal with! But in the face of fear, we should size things up and take action, large-scale action if need be.” In other words, a metaphor for death. (But I’ve been seeing many things as metaphors for death lately, so your mileage may vary.)
The “Yahweh wants it this way” conclusion is interesting, but then again: If God had to put Hell literally underground, he seems like more a Philip Pullman-ish “mortal god” than an all-powerful superbeing, since he works on the same material plane as us, more or less. (Imagine, for example, what the Devil would be in a literal underground hell. Invincible monster? Probably nothing a few nukes couldn’t deal with.) Or perhaps they found the door to Hades and they’ll get to face off against a (very beatable) Greek pantheon.
Either way: Better to wage war on Hell than let it sit there. I don’t trust any superbeing not to send me there, however pure a life I lead (even if we’re just thinking about Christianity vs. Islam, I seem to have only half a chance at Heaven).
“Let’s just seal up Hell and leave it there” = “Let’s just accept the good things about death and leave it there”. But I see lots of things with LW glasses on at this point, so it could be a stretch. Also just a fun example of seeing problems from a new angle
http://xkcd.com/1330
Better read than excerpted in full.
Wait, hold on. You can’t just flood Hell. There are people down there, apparently preserved well enough to torture for eternity without ageing (except if ageing is the torture, of course). Surely there’s some way to exploit this!
Also, Hell would mean Lucifer is somewhere down there. Do you think we can dredge him up for a decent Faustian bargain? Any decent LW-er should be able to do a few things with Faust’s traditional Omni-Knowledge that should render Christian-style immortal souls obsolete and unnecessary, and possibly irretrievable when Lucifer comes collecting as well.
Let’s get Munchkining, people.
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Literature/TheSalvationWar
Ehh, The Salvation War has some interesting moments about facing down existential threats and not giving up and building a bright future for humanity across the corpses of eldritch horrors, but you have to be willing to slog through a lot of drek. I read the first book of The Salvation War and it can’t seem to make up its mind just to what extent it’s supposed to be following any particular cosmology, mythology, or theology. I get the impression that it wants to be a chronicle of the moment when humanity cast down the Hordes of Hell, but it’s executed more like a chronicle of the moment when humanity engaged in massive amounts of gun porn against acid-blooded fire-spitting lightning-throwing ogres, that happened to be called demons. I say ogres because they’re large, brutish, stupid, and generally fill much the same niche as ogres do in Dungeons&Dragons. Whereas many of the classical demonic attributes like temptation, seduction, offering forbidden knowledge, reading the hearts of men to know your dark secrets and embarassing desires, or confronting you with a litany of your sins, have been left more or less by the wayside.
I got the impression that The Salvation War might have happened when the author read a synopsis of the Old Testament and noticed that, with a few obvious exceptions like that creation narrative thing, we can now do just about everything that God’s cited as doing. Which is a nifty observation and would make for a good short story, but I don’t think it can quite carry something the length of a long novel.
Particularly in the MilSF genre, which devolves rapidly if it ever becomes obvious that the central conflict’s heavily weighted towards the protagonists.
Your impression is exactly correct. That is literally what happened, at least according to the TVTropes page.
They do have seduction. They just never managed to use it successfully. Mostly because people quickly started wearing tinfoil hats. That doesn’t stop it completely, but if everyone can see that you’re a demon, all the pheromones will do is make them stop being uncomfortable with you.
They can read the hearts of men to know their dark secrets and embarrassing desires, but they’ve never used it for more than sorting souls into the nine circles of hell, for no adequately explained reason.
So the humans win because the demons are incompetent at using their abilities.
It’s more because of counters. I don’t think that was even the main reason tinfoil hats became popular.
Although the demons could have made much better use of their portals. Emptying volcanoes onto cities isn’t easy, but heaven later showed that a pile of rocks can do major damage, if you drop them from high enough.
I got the impression that heaven would have won had Lemuel actually thought they could, instead of figuring out how he could come out on top when they lose.
Tinfoil hats and air vents to blow away the pheromones, as I recall. But there’s certainly some incompetence involved when the demons use highly outdated military intelligence in their choice of targets, resulting in a devastating attack on the Arsenal of Democracy.
As I recall, the justification for this in the story is that the demons are really long-lived, and human civilization has historically been very slow to change, so by demon standards decades-old intelligence on humans is recent and it’s reasonable to expect that Detroit would still be a very important target. I have difficulty buying this—partly because it feels like a post hoc excuse for incompetence rather than the incompetence being logically extrapolated from the lifespan, partly because of the amount of secondary incompetence involved in not noticing that things have changed, and partly because rapid massive change in the power distribution of human societies isn’t even all that new: e.g. Alexander the Great conquered his way from Greece to India in about fifteen years.
It’s clever, but I don’t think the workers would be irrational for sealing it up.
If Hell is real, then it makes sense to conclude Christianity or Islam is mostly true too. Which means that a super-powerful agent wants those people tortured. If you try and save them, you will fail. (There’s no thwarting an omnipotent or near-omnipotent being). And this agent will probably torture you too for trying.
Edit: In other words, “Nobody fucks with the Jesus.”
When I try and imagine what the god who could exist and call himself Yahweh and not have been noticed until now would do in a situation, my brain spits out “do nothing and continue to hide oneself, because it was part of the plan all along”
So maybe by flooding Hell you’re acausally making Yahweh decide in advance when he made the plan “I’m gonna torture people up until this person floods Hell.” instead of “I’m gonna torture them forever.”
Cool response! Upvoted. But when I saw the comic, I read it as:
“Hey! Certain things are pretty scary and seem to be beyond our human abilities to deal with! But in the face of fear, we should size things up and take action, large-scale action if need be.” In other words, a metaphor for death. (But I’ve been seeing many things as metaphors for death lately, so your mileage may vary.)
The “Yahweh wants it this way” conclusion is interesting, but then again: If God had to put Hell literally underground, he seems like more a Philip Pullman-ish “mortal god” than an all-powerful superbeing, since he works on the same material plane as us, more or less. (Imagine, for example, what the Devil would be in a literal underground hell. Invincible monster? Probably nothing a few nukes couldn’t deal with.) Or perhaps they found the door to Hades and they’ll get to face off against a (very beatable) Greek pantheon.
Either way: Better to wage war on Hell than let it sit there. I don’t trust any superbeing not to send me there, however pure a life I lead (even if we’re just thinking about Christianity vs. Islam, I seem to have only half a chance at Heaven).
You’re right. We just have to think: “What would Squirrel Girl do?”
How is this a rationality quote? The main conceit amounts deciding who would win in a fight based on how awesome Monroe happens to find them.
“Let’s just seal up Hell and leave it there” = “Let’s just accept the good things about death and leave it there”. But I see lots of things with LW glasses on at this point, so it could be a stretch. Also just a fun example of seeing problems from a new angle
If I hadn’t read Three Worlds Collide, I would very likely not have gotten Black Hat Guy’s point in that comic.
To me that seemed as more of a case of,
“Let’s flood hell with the ocean, Satan won’t escape” = “Let’s just put this AI in a box, it won’t get out”.