V svaq gung zl jropbzvp vf ybfvat vgf fuvar. Gur vqrn vf frireny lrnef byq ol abj. V tbg bire n frevbhf tnc va zbgvingvba ol fjvgpuvat gb na rcvfgbynel sbezng sbe n srj jrrxf, fb V pbhyq qb zhpu yrff qenjvat, naq abj rkcrpg gb or noyr gb svavfu gur fgbelyvar jvgubhg vagreehcgvba va zl fpurqhyr. V’z abg fher vs gurer’f n pbzcnenoyr fglyr punatr Ryvrmre pbhyq rzcybl vs gur bznxr qvqa’g bofreinoyl uryc.
I think that in your case it might be because you as a writer have outgrown that story. I couldn’t stomach reading beyond the first chapter of the original Elcenia (I’ll certainly give the rewrite a chance though) and while HTHT had some nice touches from the beginning it’s rather bland and sometimes cringe-worthy. Once Luminosity gets going there is a night and day difference in quality. At first I thought it was because world building and characters are your weak point, but now I’m pretty sure it’s because you have just become that much better.
You introduced a somewhat interesting moral dilemma in HTHT recently, but the world still doesn’t feel alive and the mages still don’t feel like a credible threat or in any way interesting as antagonists. I’m not sure if that’s just because you are limited by what you did earlier (it seems like the setup necessitates that the mages continue to be idiots collectively or it’s game over, and the room for the protagonists to lose in important ways without ending the story seems very limited), but there is simply no comparison to your take on the Volturi as far as villain quality goes.
Another problem might be the genre: HTHT seems to be somewhere between a straight take on mahou shoujo and a deconstruction. I think the protagonists are too old, and the world, simplistic as it is, too constrained by logic for a straight take to work, and it’s too much of a straight take to work as a deconstruction.
If you could find a way to break out of the story you were originally writing and turn it into a story actually worth your time you would probably find the experience more enjoyable. You already seem to be doing that to some extent. If you are holding back because you don’t want to change the tone too much please feel encouraged to stop worrying about that ;)
Note that both Elcenia and HTHT have their origins in a collaboration, although Elcenia’s was longer-lived. HTHT’s co-creator (who is very invested, in general, in straight-up mahou shoujo tropes) was no longer on board by the time I started publishing, but I didn’t feel like I was free to arbitrarily discard bits of the original concept. But I think it’s mostly a matter of my having improved as a storyteller, as you say—that, and I’m a lazy, amateur artist, which makes webcomicking an awkward juggling act between leaning on the writing and failing at “show don’t tell”, and leaning on the art and having everything be incomprehensible and take forever to draw. At this point I’m not having fun with it, but I feel obliged to finish it (in part on the urging of my erstwhile co-creator). That’s not exactly inspiring me to new heights of quality.
Luminosity is sort of collaborative in the sense that I’m using a borrowed world, albeit with no direct participation from Meyer herself, but I honestly do not think worldbuilding is my weakness, nor character creation (Radiance in particular mostly runs on characters who are original or so far diverged from their canon origins that they might as well be).
(This comment contains idle speculation about the psychology of Eliezer’s writing process. Eliezer, you may or may not want to continue reading.)
Abar bs gur guerr znva ulcbgurfrf yvfgrq va gur puncgre friraglbar nhgube’f abgrf jrer zl svefg thrff. V jbhyq unir fnvq (trarenyvmvat sebz bar rknzcyr) gung nf gur cebwrpg pbagvahrf, vgf abirygl naq gurersber shaarff qvzvavfurf. Vaqrrq, V fhfcrpg gung abirygl qrpnl jnf gur znva ernfba gung gur zrgubqf bs engvbanyvgl rkvfgf ng nyy—gur nhgube tbg oberq jvgu gur abasvpgvba engvbanyvgl obbx.
(Ncbybtvrf sbe zl fyvtugyl bss-xvygre chapghngvba naq pncvgnyvmngvba; V jnf gelvat gb znxr gur ebg13 uneqre gb nppvqragnyyl ernq.)
V svaq gung zl jropbzvp vf ybfvat vgf fuvar. Gur vqrn vf frireny lrnef byq ol abj. V tbg bire n frevbhf tnc va zbgvingvba ol fjvgpuvat gb na rcvfgbynel sbezng sbe n srj jrrxf, fb V pbhyq qb zhpu yrff qenjvat, naq abj rkcrpg gb or noyr gb svavfu gur fgbelyvar jvgubhg vagreehcgvba va zl fpurqhyr. V’z abg fher vs gurer’f n pbzcnenoyr fglyr punatr Ryvrmre pbhyq rzcybl vs gur bznxr qvqa’g bofreinoyl uryc.
I think that in your case it might be because you as a writer have outgrown that story. I couldn’t stomach reading beyond the first chapter of the original Elcenia (I’ll certainly give the rewrite a chance though) and while HTHT had some nice touches from the beginning it’s rather bland and sometimes cringe-worthy. Once Luminosity gets going there is a night and day difference in quality. At first I thought it was because world building and characters are your weak point, but now I’m pretty sure it’s because you have just become that much better.
You introduced a somewhat interesting moral dilemma in HTHT recently, but the world still doesn’t feel alive and the mages still don’t feel like a credible threat or in any way interesting as antagonists. I’m not sure if that’s just because you are limited by what you did earlier (it seems like the setup necessitates that the mages continue to be idiots collectively or it’s game over, and the room for the protagonists to lose in important ways without ending the story seems very limited), but there is simply no comparison to your take on the Volturi as far as villain quality goes.
Another problem might be the genre: HTHT seems to be somewhere between a straight take on mahou shoujo and a deconstruction. I think the protagonists are too old, and the world, simplistic as it is, too constrained by logic for a straight take to work, and it’s too much of a straight take to work as a deconstruction.
If you could find a way to break out of the story you were originally writing and turn it into a story actually worth your time you would probably find the experience more enjoyable. You already seem to be doing that to some extent. If you are holding back because you don’t want to change the tone too much please feel encouraged to stop worrying about that ;)
Note that both Elcenia and HTHT have their origins in a collaboration, although Elcenia’s was longer-lived. HTHT’s co-creator (who is very invested, in general, in straight-up mahou shoujo tropes) was no longer on board by the time I started publishing, but I didn’t feel like I was free to arbitrarily discard bits of the original concept. But I think it’s mostly a matter of my having improved as a storyteller, as you say—that, and I’m a lazy, amateur artist, which makes webcomicking an awkward juggling act between leaning on the writing and failing at “show don’t tell”, and leaning on the art and having everything be incomprehensible and take forever to draw. At this point I’m not having fun with it, but I feel obliged to finish it (in part on the urging of my erstwhile co-creator). That’s not exactly inspiring me to new heights of quality.
Luminosity is sort of collaborative in the sense that I’m using a borrowed world, albeit with no direct participation from Meyer herself, but I honestly do not think worldbuilding is my weakness, nor character creation (Radiance in particular mostly runs on characters who are original or so far diverged from their canon origins that they might as well be).