On the subject of self-improvement and self-control: My big tip for achieving goals is to set goals you actually want to achieve, not goals that you want people to think you want to achieve. For example, if you want to sit with your legs crossed, not only in the immediate term but also upon weighing the advantages and disadvantages of doing so, you’re not likely to succeed in trying to make yourself sit differently.
For example, my goal in anger management is not “always stay calm, even when I stand to personally gain by being angry.” My goal is “avoid being more angry than I want to be.” Thinking things like “it is okay to be angry, but I don’t want to experience desires to do things that I think are immoral, so I should calm down to the point of not wanting to punch anyone” has been far more effective than thinking things like “you’re not allowed to be angry right now, calm down!”.
On the subject of self-improvement and self-control: My big tip for achieving goals is to set goals you actually want to achieve, not goals that you want people to think you want to achieve. For example, if you want to sit with your legs crossed, not only in the immediate term but also upon weighing the advantages and disadvantages of doing so, you’re not likely to succeed in trying to make yourself sit differently.
For example, my goal in anger management is not “always stay calm, even when I stand to personally gain by being angry.” My goal is “avoid being more angry than I want to be.” Thinking things like “it is okay to be angry, but I don’t want to experience desires to do things that I think are immoral, so I should calm down to the point of not wanting to punch anyone” has been far more effective than thinking things like “you’re not allowed to be angry right now, calm down!”.