No, I meant the former. The fact is that in many environments, including my own, there is a huge difference between the amount of individuals who experience same-sex attraction and the individuals who publicly acknowledge that they do. I have previously tried just asking out girls that I like, but am inevitably rebuffed because, as was inevitable, they are straight. This has a greater cost than simply not getting to be in a relationship with them; there is actually often a negative effect on our (potential or already existent) friendship, as well as the disappointment I feel having already expended significant energy on sentimentalizing the concept of being in a relationship with them. Hence I would prefer to identify potential girlfriends before the sentimentalization and disappointment.
Yeah, when the costs of being rebuffed are high, the two questions get entangled.
Often, the most effective fix is to disentangle them, but admittedly sometimes that isn’t an option for whatever reason.
The best recommendation I can think of given that constraint is to establish friendships with people who are culturally affiliated with the queer community, and try to use that network of friendships to identify potential relationships. That is, get your friends to set you up with girls they know.
No, I meant the former. The fact is that in many environments, including my own, there is a huge difference between the amount of individuals who experience same-sex attraction and the individuals who publicly acknowledge that they do. I have previously tried just asking out girls that I like, but am inevitably rebuffed because, as was inevitable, they are straight. This has a greater cost than simply not getting to be in a relationship with them; there is actually often a negative effect on our (potential or already existent) friendship, as well as the disappointment I feel having already expended significant energy on sentimentalizing the concept of being in a relationship with them. Hence I would prefer to identify potential girlfriends before the sentimentalization and disappointment.
Ah, I see.
Yeah, when the costs of being rebuffed are high, the two questions get entangled.
Often, the most effective fix is to disentangle them, but admittedly sometimes that isn’t an option for whatever reason.
The best recommendation I can think of given that constraint is to establish friendships with people who are culturally affiliated with the queer community, and try to use that network of friendships to identify potential relationships. That is, get your friends to set you up with girls they know.