Obviously there is something going on that many self-identified “nice guys” are seeing, 56% of women are seeing
Well, 56 percent in one survey, when other surveys framed in different ways come out with contradictory findings. I accept the finding as data, but not as such conclusive data that we can make confident assertions about what a majority of women believe. As you pointed out in one of your followups, these women seemed to be talking about two very different definitions of “nice guy,” where one definition basically meant weak and whiny. Weak and whiny is a turnoff, for sure.
I think we agree that what you described as the exchange-oriented script of female sexuality is a misleading way of looking at the world, and can lead genuinely nice guys into frustration. And I think we’ve located the source of our disagreement regarding the Nice Guy(TM) syndrome—we both think it exists, but our different experiences lead us to different estimates of how common it may be. And I’m apparently harsher in my judgments than you are, which is also a contributing factor. Is that a fair assessment?
I do want to thank you again for providing the link to the Herold survey. Even though I don’t accept it as fact, I do accept it as evidence, and I have modified my estimates on that basis. Like I said, going into this conversation I would have put the percentage of Nice Guys(TM) among self-reported “nice guys” at somewhere around 80 percent. Now I’m pegging it at somewhere between 40 to 60 percent.
Well, 56 percent in one survey, when other surveys framed in different ways come out with contradictory findings. I accept the finding as data, but not as such conclusive data that we can make confident assertions about what a majority of women believe. As you pointed out in one of your followups, these women seemed to be talking about two very different definitions of “nice guy,” where one definition basically meant weak and whiny. Weak and whiny is a turnoff, for sure.
I think we agree that what you described as the exchange-oriented script of female sexuality is a misleading way of looking at the world, and can lead genuinely nice guys into frustration. And I think we’ve located the source of our disagreement regarding the Nice Guy(TM) syndrome—we both think it exists, but our different experiences lead us to different estimates of how common it may be. And I’m apparently harsher in my judgments than you are, which is also a contributing factor. Is that a fair assessment?
I do want to thank you again for providing the link to the Herold survey. Even though I don’t accept it as fact, I do accept it as evidence, and I have modified my estimates on that basis. Like I said, going into this conversation I would have put the percentage of Nice Guys(TM) among self-reported “nice guys” at somewhere around 80 percent. Now I’m pegging it at somewhere between 40 to 60 percent.