I applaud the attempt (I occasionally draw comics myself, though haven’t done so for some time now), but it’s not good enough that I would want to send the link to people.
Biggest turn-off: that smug punk rat makes me want to smack it. I don’t enjoy being preached at by what looks like a stereotypical arrogant teenager (and I don’t know anybody who does).
Actually, I like the art in itself. It’s giving me nostalgia goosebumps for early 90s fanzines I was too young to read. But in combination with the walls of text it’s rubbing me the wrong way. Even if you were just explaining Bayes’ Theorem, it would look like a rant.
Maybe make a clear distinction between the author and the message? Like, if you have an author avatar, have him take a second place like a TV show host, who doesn’t provide any content or opinion himself, and doesn’t take sides (like the “Cartoon History of the Universe” guy), or just don’t have an author avatar or a main character that is “close” to you (Eliezer seems to be trying to do that with Harry Potter, but kinda fails—Harry does kinda come off as an Eliezer avatar, even though he tries to put some other facets of Eliezer in other characters).
Show, don’t tell—it may be better to illustrate points with small stories.
Maybe, try squeezing less material in a single strip—the first one already covers the existential risk, the fact that the laws of physics don’t care, wireheading, space exploration, consequentialist reasoning, and the usefulness of a community of rationalists. Each of those ideas would probably be enough for a single strip (some required several posts in the sequences), and some might just require too many inferential steps.
So, I’d recommend longer strips with less text overall (so much less text density), repeating a simpler point multiple ways (the old “tell them what you’re going to tell them, then tell them, then tell them what you told them”).
(Or at least, that’s the way I’d do it, which isn’t exactly the same as the best. You should factor in your own tastes at well.)
So, I’d recommend longer strips with less text overall (so much less text density), repeating a
simpler point multiple ways (the old “tell them what you’re going to tell them, then tell them, then
tell them what you told them”).
I haven’t got any argument with any of that.
just don’t have an author avatar or a main character that is “close” to you
I think I’m going to avoid this one; the furry part of my target audience has a fairly well-developed tradition of “fursonas”, a blend between a separate fictional character, an avatar, and an alter-ego.
I think that I might go with one more installment in roughly the current format, and then, perhaps, branch into more story-like comics, focusing on different characters and so on. (I’d probably need to find a new artist for those, if I do so, as the one I’ve been working with has his own commitments.)
I applaud the attempt (I occasionally draw comics myself, though haven’t done so for some time now), but it’s not good enough that I would want to send the link to people.
Biggest turn-off: that smug punk rat makes me want to smack it. I don’t enjoy being preached at by what looks like a stereotypical arrogant teenager (and I don’t know anybody who does).
I’ve read some pretty good comics that teach some stuff about science (I don’t know what the English translations are worth), and the main character is generally either confused or curious. Not preachy.
(Also, adding politics and caricatures doesn’t help)
Seconded. The art style is not helping.
Actually, I like the art in itself. It’s giving me nostalgia goosebumps for early 90s fanzines I was too young to read. But in combination with the walls of text it’s rubbing me the wrong way. Even if you were just explaining Bayes’ Theorem, it would look like a rant.
Fair enough. I can’t expect to create Eisner-winning material on my first try, after all. :)
Assuming I do continue with any further instalments, do you have any suggestions for what I can do to fix the problems you’ve identified?
Maybe make a clear distinction between the author and the message? Like, if you have an author avatar, have him take a second place like a TV show host, who doesn’t provide any content or opinion himself, and doesn’t take sides (like the “Cartoon History of the Universe” guy), or just don’t have an author avatar or a main character that is “close” to you (Eliezer seems to be trying to do that with Harry Potter, but kinda fails—Harry does kinda come off as an Eliezer avatar, even though he tries to put some other facets of Eliezer in other characters).
Show, don’t tell—it may be better to illustrate points with small stories.
Maybe, try squeezing less material in a single strip—the first one already covers the existential risk, the fact that the laws of physics don’t care, wireheading, space exploration, consequentialist reasoning, and the usefulness of a community of rationalists. Each of those ideas would probably be enough for a single strip (some required several posts in the sequences), and some might just require too many inferential steps.
So, I’d recommend longer strips with less text overall (so much less text density), repeating a simpler point multiple ways (the old “tell them what you’re going to tell them, then tell them, then tell them what you told them”).
(Or at least, that’s the way I’d do it, which isn’t exactly the same as the best. You should factor in your own tastes at well.)
I haven’t got any argument with any of that.
I think I’m going to avoid this one; the furry part of my target audience has a fairly well-developed tradition of “fursonas”, a blend between a separate fictional character, an avatar, and an alter-ego.
I think that I might go with one more installment in roughly the current format, and then, perhaps, branch into more story-like comics, focusing on different characters and so on. (I’d probably need to find a new artist for those, if I do so, as the one I’ve been working with has his own commitments.)