1) The hardest part about reinforcement and punishment is determining what stimuli is reinforcing. Sometimes, attention is reinforcing—and that’s really hard to keep in mind. I’ve let my son tantrum in public because I didn’t want to reinforce his behavior, and that’s very uncomfortable—especially if you haven’t decided ahead of time to do that.
2) I personally don’t believe in spanking, but you discuss the issue quite flippantly, and many people have strong opinions about the topic and could be offended by your flippancy. In general, you might want to discuss some more about how to decide what boundaries to set, by age. Further, physical discipline is not the only (or even the majority) of punishment of children. I shout at my son (2.25 yrs old) to stop whenever he walks into the road or away from me in a parking lot—that’s punishing the behavior.
3) Talk more about children modeling your own behavior. It is a substantial drain on oneself to regulate constantly.
4) Even though negative stimuli (punishment) is sometimes the most appropriate response, negative instruction (“Don’t throw your toys”) is miles less effective than positive instruction (“We only throw balls.”)
5) Consistency between parents—children will arbitrage discrepancies in rules between the parents, so try talk with you partner to minimize differences.
3) Talk more about children modeling your own behavior. It is a substantial drain on oneself to regulate constantly.
I worry about this one. It becomes worse if you consider that even if you’re constantly regulating yourself, you’re being somewhat artificial. I believe that children can easily detect this rigidity. I always knew when my father was trying to be a Father versus when he was just doing what made sense and behaving naturally, and I weighed his words and actions accordingly.
Keeping the issue of modelling in mind without artificiality can be hard. The easier part (hah!) is refraining from bad habits. I try not to worry about modelling good habits beyond basics like buckling my seat belt every time.
Some random thoughts to consider:
1) The hardest part about reinforcement and punishment is determining what stimuli is reinforcing. Sometimes, attention is reinforcing—and that’s really hard to keep in mind. I’ve let my son tantrum in public because I didn’t want to reinforce his behavior, and that’s very uncomfortable—especially if you haven’t decided ahead of time to do that.
2) I personally don’t believe in spanking, but you discuss the issue quite flippantly, and many people have strong opinions about the topic and could be offended by your flippancy. In general, you might want to discuss some more about how to decide what boundaries to set, by age. Further, physical discipline is not the only (or even the majority) of punishment of children. I shout at my son (2.25 yrs old) to stop whenever he walks into the road or away from me in a parking lot—that’s punishing the behavior.
3) Talk more about children modeling your own behavior. It is a substantial drain on oneself to regulate constantly.
4) Even though negative stimuli (punishment) is sometimes the most appropriate response, negative instruction (“Don’t throw your toys”) is miles less effective than positive instruction (“We only throw balls.”)
5) Consistency between parents—children will arbitrage discrepancies in rules between the parents, so try talk with you partner to minimize differences.
I worry about this one. It becomes worse if you consider that even if you’re constantly regulating yourself, you’re being somewhat artificial. I believe that children can easily detect this rigidity. I always knew when my father was trying to be a Father versus when he was just doing what made sense and behaving naturally, and I weighed his words and actions accordingly.
Keeping the issue of modelling in mind without artificiality can be hard. The easier part (hah!) is refraining from bad habits. I try not to worry about modelling good habits beyond basics like buckling my seat belt every time.