This feels kinda straw-vulcany, sort of missing the point about what people are often using trust for.
I’m not actually sure what trust is, but when I imagine people saying the sentences at the beginning, at least 35% and maybe 75% of what’s going on is more about managing a relational stance, i.e something like “do you respect me?”.
I do expect you’ll followup with “yeah, I am also just not down to respect people the particular way they want to be respected.”
So a major part of how I handle this sort of thing is usually conveying somehow “I don’t believe that, and generally don’t trust your epistemics enough to believe-you-by-default in this domain, but, also, I [respect, in whatever way I do happen to respect] the person.” (Usually this is managed more by vibes than by words, though if I found myself in a situation where someone I cared about said “trust me” it probably means something is fragile enough to require some careful linguistic work as well)
I’ve been really frustrated in the past with folks who equate trust with respect.
My ex-wife frequently complained that I didn’t trust her. Why? Because she’d ask me to do something and, rather than simply do it, I’d ask why. Most of the time I was just curious (can you imagine? someone who posts on LessWrong was curious?) and wanted to know more, but she read it as me distrusting and thus not respecting or being committed to her.
Mostly I just select myself out of relationships with people who are like this now.
The flip side of this, though, is that there’s a part of my life where I do things without asking why, which is as part of my Zen practice. Our rituals exist because someone created them, but the intent is intentionally not communicated. This is to create the experience of not knowing why you do something and having to live with not knowing. You might eventually come up with your own reason for why you do a particular ritual, but then that’s something you added that you can explore rather than something you’ve taken as given from a teacher, senior student, etc. For example, new people often ask why we bow. The answer: because that’s what we do. If bowing is to mean something, it’s up to you to figure out what it means.
What does respect mean in this case? That is a word I don’t really understand and seems to be a combination of many different concepts being mixed together.
This feels kinda straw-vulcany, sort of missing the point about what people are often using trust for.
I’m not actually sure what trust is, but when I imagine people saying the sentences at the beginning, at least 35% and maybe 75% of what’s going on is more about managing a relational stance, i.e something like “do you respect me?”.
I do expect you’ll followup with “yeah, I am also just not down to respect people the particular way they want to be respected.”
So a major part of how I handle this sort of thing is usually conveying somehow “I don’t believe that, and generally don’t trust your epistemics enough to believe-you-by-default in this domain, but, also, I [respect, in whatever way I do happen to respect] the person.” (Usually this is managed more by vibes than by words, though if I found myself in a situation where someone I cared about said “trust me” it probably means something is fragile enough to require some careful linguistic work as well)
I’ve been really frustrated in the past with folks who equate trust with respect.
My ex-wife frequently complained that I didn’t trust her. Why? Because she’d ask me to do something and, rather than simply do it, I’d ask why. Most of the time I was just curious (can you imagine? someone who posts on LessWrong was curious?) and wanted to know more, but she read it as me distrusting and thus not respecting or being committed to her.
Mostly I just select myself out of relationships with people who are like this now.
The flip side of this, though, is that there’s a part of my life where I do things without asking why, which is as part of my Zen practice. Our rituals exist because someone created them, but the intent is intentionally not communicated. This is to create the experience of not knowing why you do something and having to live with not knowing. You might eventually come up with your own reason for why you do a particular ritual, but then that’s something you added that you can explore rather than something you’ve taken as given from a teacher, senior student, etc. For example, new people often ask why we bow. The answer: because that’s what we do. If bowing is to mean something, it’s up to you to figure out what it means.
What does respect mean in this case? That is a word I don’t really understand and seems to be a combination of many different concepts being mixed together.