As a rationalist who had kids while within a deep community, I will say that only some of the community (that mostly said they wanted to stick around) actually stuck around after the kids showed up. I think there’s a whole series to be written about that, but I’ll sketch towards it now:
Parents schedules are different. If you really want to see them, you have to show up, not just invite them to your nonparent parties.
After a dozen invites that we don’t make it to, nonparents stop inviting us parents, and then we’re cut off. Even if we don’t show up, we appreciate the invitation—I have occasionally made it to a nonparent invitation, but only from those who persist in inviting me.
Immediately after the baby arrives, the best things to do to help parents are chores. Prepping and making food, laundry, cleaning, etc.
Now that the kids are old enough for a consistent bedtime, I’m probably best available to hang out at 5:30pm or 9pm, but not 8pm. The 9pm one relies on you visiting me, or my partner hanging out in case the kids wake up. (I love 9pm visitors). If you’re a nonparent who wants to help, you can always offer to hang out after the kids are asleep so parents can go out (if they’re not going to sleep by 10, which is pretty common, so don’t be surprised if that doesn’t work for many parents)
As a nonparent, expect to build familiarity with the kids over a handful of events before you can babysit. Kids warm up to adults just like people warm up to other people—often slowly.
Another data point: My smallish community (7.5 couples plus some singles) managed to continue a once-a-month get-together on some friday evenings despite children getting born and growing up. I think key to this is that it’s okay for parents to bring their children and let them stay awake for longer then normal (like 10 pm) or being okay with the children falling asleep on a lap or couch which talk continues.
One key benefit of these get-togethers is (and that is kind of a general rule) that the more parent and children are there the less the parents have to care for the children because those mostly enjoy themselves and if just one parent mostly suffices to fix things.
As a rationalist who had kids while within a deep community, I will say that only some of the community (that mostly said they wanted to stick around) actually stuck around after the kids showed up. I think there’s a whole series to be written about that, but I’ll sketch towards it now:
Parents schedules are different. If you really want to see them, you have to show up, not just invite them to your nonparent parties.
After a dozen invites that we don’t make it to, nonparents stop inviting us parents, and then we’re cut off. Even if we don’t show up, we appreciate the invitation—I have occasionally made it to a nonparent invitation, but only from those who persist in inviting me.
Immediately after the baby arrives, the best things to do to help parents are chores. Prepping and making food, laundry, cleaning, etc.
Now that the kids are old enough for a consistent bedtime, I’m probably best available to hang out at 5:30pm or 9pm, but not 8pm. The 9pm one relies on you visiting me, or my partner hanging out in case the kids wake up. (I love 9pm visitors). If you’re a nonparent who wants to help, you can always offer to hang out after the kids are asleep so parents can go out (if they’re not going to sleep by 10, which is pretty common, so don’t be surprised if that doesn’t work for many parents)
As a nonparent, expect to build familiarity with the kids over a handful of events before you can babysit. Kids warm up to adults just like people warm up to other people—often slowly.
Another data point: My smallish community (7.5 couples plus some singles) managed to continue a once-a-month get-together on some friday evenings despite children getting born and growing up. I think key to this is that it’s okay for parents to bring their children and let them stay awake for longer then normal (like 10 pm) or being okay with the children falling asleep on a lap or couch which talk continues.
One key benefit of these get-togethers is (and that is kind of a general rule) that the more parent and children are there the less the parents have to care for the children because those mostly enjoy themselves and if just one parent mostly suffices to fix things.