There is no reason to think that there’s a path to that goal that avoids mental anguish completely, but then again there are almost certainly SOME types of mental anguish that you should avoid. Unpleasant emotions are draining—even if your fear and worry is misplaced it still has a negative impact on your state of mind, and this impact should count when you’re weighing the utility of a course of action. Especially suffering from depression, it is my unprofessional opinion that you should try to mitigate sources of unnecessary negative emotion in your life.
Perhaps, but here’s part of the problem: I was raised fundamentalist Christian. At an early age, I started showing signs of critical thinking. My thoughts were constrained to the point that, amygdalically at least, performing rationality causes negative emotions. So much so that just about any other kind of negative emotion—say, the fear of being threatened with a mugging, or the shame of being ‘outed’ in a conservative community, or the anger of being blamed for Very Bad Things by the very people who did them—pales in comparison.
They’re literally just little blips on my “bad-stuff-o-meter”, compared to the constant screaming of “all evidence is a lie of Satan and how DARE you open your eyes and ask questions about the world!” that goes on in my head.
Point is, sometimes the fact that it makes you feel bad can be a good reason not to do something. This might not be one of those cases, but you should definitely weigh the impact of your emotions when you make the decision.
If my internal emotional compass had any indication of working at all, even incorrectly, I would do so. So far, though, it seems that it has about a… 0.05 or less correlation with whether something is actually likely to harm me. An air-raid siren is a pretty useless warning system if it’s been stuck on “On” at full-blast since 1981.
Oh wow, that’s what I deserve for offering advice where I don’t have all the facts. Given this new information, I am dramatically re-estimating the nosy utility estimate that I have formed on your behalf. You were right, keeping a public diary does sound like it will be worth it, since trusted community input will hopefully help with your emotional compass problem. Just remember that people on the internet will be prone to making the same sort of stupid errors I made in my last post. We also like to argue all the time, so I guess watch out for that and accommodate for it.
TL;DR, sorry for giving bad advice based on insufficient evidence. Good luck, Ialdabaoth, raise that candle in the dark.
Perhaps, but here’s part of the problem: I was raised fundamentalist Christian. At an early age, I started showing signs of critical thinking. My thoughts were constrained to the point that, amygdalically at least, performing rationality causes negative emotions. So much so that just about any other kind of negative emotion—say, the fear of being threatened with a mugging, or the shame of being ‘outed’ in a conservative community, or the anger of being blamed for Very Bad Things by the very people who did them—pales in comparison.
They’re literally just little blips on my “bad-stuff-o-meter”, compared to the constant screaming of “all evidence is a lie of Satan and how DARE you open your eyes and ask questions about the world!” that goes on in my head.
If my internal emotional compass had any indication of working at all, even incorrectly, I would do so. So far, though, it seems that it has about a… 0.05 or less correlation with whether something is actually likely to harm me. An air-raid siren is a pretty useless warning system if it’s been stuck on “On” at full-blast since 1981.
Oh wow, that’s what I deserve for offering advice where I don’t have all the facts. Given this new information, I am dramatically re-estimating the nosy utility estimate that I have formed on your behalf. You were right, keeping a public diary does sound like it will be worth it, since trusted community input will hopefully help with your emotional compass problem. Just remember that people on the internet will be prone to making the same sort of stupid errors I made in my last post. We also like to argue all the time, so I guess watch out for that and accommodate for it.
TL;DR, sorry for giving bad advice based on insufficient evidence. Good luck, Ialdabaoth, raise that candle in the dark.
Tentative advice: Have you looked into accounts from people who’ve recovered from emotionally abusive Christian upbringings?