Only the slight awkwardness feeling I get when I see template postings that seem a little forced. I don’t really mind if you make them. Do you, well, have something to say in this one?
I was trying to think of what I could say and was coming up with “So, what are the absolute deal breakers that you just will not stand for in a relationship?” and “Does anyone else find that hair style strongly influences their degree of attraction to someone?”
“Does anyone else find that hair style strongly influences their degree of attraction to someone?”
Style in particular not all that much, but I find that my “attraction” response is closely tied to my more generic “I want to touch that” response, so people who look pettable (not gelled or sprayed, not with completely shaved heads, who wash their hair, not with dreadlocks, etc. etc.) will tend to be more attractive than their less pettable counterparts.
This may or may not work on you. If you want my opinion in particular, I would require visual data (i.e. a picture of you with and one without “boyishly mussed” hair).
You only cut your hair once every six months! Even if you sport a rather lengthy mane (which I’m assuming you do) once every six months seems way too infrequent.
Even if you sport a rather lengthy mane (which I’m assuming you do) once every six months seems way too infrequent.
Six months isn’t enough time to grow a lengthy mane! As I recall, it took much longer than that for me to grow my ponytail, and various internet sources confirm that hair grows at about six inches per year. (I haven’t had a haircut since late 2006, but my hair seems to have maxed out in length some time ago.)
I wasn’t saying that it would become lengthy in 6 months, but that any haircut which can be maintained for 6 months without a trim has to be a lengthy one. My understanding is that, to maintain healthy hair, it is recommended you get a trim once a month (for split ends and what not.) I keep my hair fairly short (clippers on the side, “finger” length on top) and get a trim once every few weeks (I taught myself how to cut my own hair to make this more convient and affordable. Also, my sister is a cosmetologist so she can fix any mistakes I make when I see her.)
Though, now that I think about it, this is one of those cached thoughts that people (“experts”) have told me, but I don’t actually have hard evidence for.
In relation to the last bit, I suspect that the bit about ‘healthy hair’ is something in the cached thoughts/no evidence category. I haven’t had a haircut in something like five years, and while my hair would probably look a bit better if the ends were trimmed to be even, there’s nothing about it that seems unhealthy to me—the only noticeable change in that time is that it used to be wavy when it was short and straight when it was long, and now it’s somewhat curly (more than just wavy) even though it’s rather long. (I’m more inclined to attribute that to having moved to a more humid climate than to the lack of haircuts, especially given that I wasn’t getting it cut particularly often even back when it was straight.)
There could very easily be evidence that I don’t know of, but it’s a data point.
In the past I’ve had haircuts roughly that frequently. On the tail end my hair was a bit long but there wasn’t any noticeable difference in romantic luck (not that there was ever very much to speak of).
ETA: Sorry, you edited your post while I was writing this one, so now mine doesn’t make much sense.
Now me directing you to the edit doesn’t make sense.
ETA 2: Not really sure if you’re making fun of me with those suggested questions.
Those questions are not to you or particularly a response to you at all. They are the brainstorming that I had done and considered posting before I replied to you. What does interest me is that someone actually say something about the relationships in this thread. Because so far it has all been talking about talking about relationships. Which is lame.
The part of the ‘Conversation Starter’ role that is most valuable is that of leading the conversation as it begins so that it has a chance to get primed!
Would you call it an ugh field, or something less significant?
Both less significant in the sense that it isn’t a strong feeling and in that ugh fields represent a different kind of thing. They inhibit thinking about a topic rather than just being representations of a preference. In this case the feeling represents the thought “Why is someone starting a topic without having something to say about it? That’s pointless.”
(You may have missed the completed version of the the grandparent. I insta-edited after posting.)
Does it apply to physique? (I’m trying to imagine how it applies to things that aren’t eyelashes and grass here. I obviously have a less developed ‘lush’ concept!)
ETA: On the broader subject of attraction, I’ve often lamented the fact that I can’t decide who I’m attracted to.
Is it a matter of being a little attracted to many people but you can’t pick between them? Or that you know you are attracted to people but don’t realise it at the time? Something else?
This is a whole different world to me. I feel it as, well, damn near a literal pull. My body would move physically closer to them if I did not hold it pack. That said there were times long in the past (I hope) that I really didn’t notice that I was attracted to someone until months after when I deduced it from my behavioural patterns.
Have you tried going and making out with the people you may be attracted to? Usually a sure fire way to tell. This is partially, shall we say, “tongue in cheek”.
If it were me, I would diagnose one of three problems.
Unreasonably high standards, high standards and low incidence, or standards and unrecognized fear of intimacy.
I have trouble with the last two. My solution to both is to talk to new people I am attracted to physically more often. First impressions don’t always go anywhere, but I need to increase my number of attempts.
Have you considered an upper limit to your number of experiments, to settle for some optimal stopping point? Or some method to increase the quality of experimental subjects?
Neither of these will resolve a fear of intimacy issue, of course! And I do hate to suggest someone alter their standards without knowing for myself that they are unreasonable.
I don’t know. For me, most of my life, I think I have been irrationally afraid of harm from the people I am interested in. In a PTSD sort of way, without any really traumatic experiences, that I know of.
And for most of this time I have been very interested in having an intimate relationship. (I’ve had a few, all ‘serious’.) And at the same time rarely attracted on a physical level, to anyone. Which is a problem that may resolve itself, for me, now that I acknowledge and work on the irrational parts of my fears, or it may not.
I think this physical level is essential, and that my awareness of it has been hampered by my fears. Is this clear?
I am absolutely not sure! And if my strategy for correcting my behavior in order to achieve my goals matches the optimal strategy for the actual problem, and achieved positive results, would it matter?
I can see the advantage to a correct diagnosis if the optimal strategy had no positive benefits.
I am not very familiar with the diagnostic criteria for sub-clinical OCD, but it would not surprise me to find out that I used to qualify, and may still. But it’s not a big worry for me right now.
Well, I personally don’t go for ‘voluptuous’ specifically, although I’ve been attracted to (and followed up sexual relations with) those who are voluptuous and been more than satisfied. The snuggling is far superior! But no, I was referring to the Vlad, thing!
Only the slight awkwardness feeling I get when I see template postings that seem a little forced. I don’t really mind if you make them. Do you, well, have something to say in this one?
I was trying to think of what I could say and was coming up with “So, what are the absolute deal breakers that you just will not stand for in a relationship?” and “Does anyone else find that hair style strongly influences their degree of attraction to someone?”
Style in particular not all that much, but I find that my “attraction” response is closely tied to my more generic “I want to touch that” response, so people who look pettable (not gelled or sprayed, not with completely shaved heads, who wash their hair, not with dreadlocks, etc. etc.) will tend to be more attractive than their less pettable counterparts.
.
Yes, do that. But also wash your hair and don’t slather it in goop.
.
This may or may not work on you. If you want my opinion in particular, I would require visual data (i.e. a picture of you with and one without “boyishly mussed” hair).
.
You only cut your hair once every six months! Even if you sport a rather lengthy mane (which I’m assuming you do) once every six months seems way too infrequent.
Six months isn’t enough time to grow a lengthy mane! As I recall, it took much longer than that for me to grow my ponytail, and various internet sources confirm that hair grows at about six inches per year. (I haven’t had a haircut since late 2006, but my hair seems to have maxed out in length some time ago.)
I wasn’t saying that it would become lengthy in 6 months, but that any haircut which can be maintained for 6 months without a trim has to be a lengthy one. My understanding is that, to maintain healthy hair, it is recommended you get a trim once a month (for split ends and what not.) I keep my hair fairly short (clippers on the side, “finger” length on top) and get a trim once every few weeks (I taught myself how to cut my own hair to make this more convient and affordable. Also, my sister is a cosmetologist so she can fix any mistakes I make when I see her.)
Though, now that I think about it, this is one of those cached thoughts that people (“experts”) have told me, but I don’t actually have hard evidence for.
In relation to the last bit, I suspect that the bit about ‘healthy hair’ is something in the cached thoughts/no evidence category. I haven’t had a haircut in something like five years, and while my hair would probably look a bit better if the ends were trimmed to be even, there’s nothing about it that seems unhealthy to me—the only noticeable change in that time is that it used to be wavy when it was short and straight when it was long, and now it’s somewhat curly (more than just wavy) even though it’s rather long. (I’m more inclined to attribute that to having moved to a more humid climate than to the lack of haircuts, especially given that I wasn’t getting it cut particularly often even back when it was straight.)
There could very easily be evidence that I don’t know of, but it’s a data point.
In the past I’ve had haircuts roughly that frequently. On the tail end my hair was a bit long but there wasn’t any noticeable difference in romantic luck (not that there was ever very much to speak of).
.
Now me directing you to the edit doesn’t make sense.
Those questions are not to you or particularly a response to you at all. They are the brainstorming that I had done and considered posting before I replied to you. What does interest me is that someone actually say something about the relationships in this thread. Because so far it has all been talking about talking about relationships. Which is lame.
The part of the ‘Conversation Starter’ role that is most valuable is that of leading the conversation as it begins so that it has a chance to get primed!
.
And fortunately not an intolerably irrational one just yet!
Both less significant in the sense that it isn’t a strong feeling and in that ugh fields represent a different kind of thing. They inhibit thinking about a topic rather than just being representations of a preference. In this case the feeling represents the thought “Why is someone starting a topic without having something to say about it? That’s pointless.”
(You may have missed the completed version of the the grandparent. I insta-edited after posting.)
.
.
Does it apply to physique? (I’m trying to imagine how it applies to things that aren’t eyelashes and grass here. I obviously have a less developed ‘lush’ concept!)
.
Is it a matter of being a little attracted to many people but you can’t pick between them? Or that you know you are attracted to people but don’t realise it at the time? Something else?
This is a whole different world to me. I feel it as, well, damn near a literal pull. My body would move physically closer to them if I did not hold it pack. That said there were times long in the past (I hope) that I really didn’t notice that I was attracted to someone until months after when I deduced it from my behavioural patterns.
Have you tried going and making out with the people you may be attracted to? Usually a sure fire way to tell. This is partially, shall we say, “tongue in cheek”.
.
If it were me, I would diagnose one of three problems. Unreasonably high standards, high standards and low incidence, or standards and unrecognized fear of intimacy.
I have trouble with the last two. My solution to both is to talk to new people I am attracted to physically more often. First impressions don’t always go anywhere, but I need to increase my number of attempts.
.
Have you considered an upper limit to your number of experiments, to settle for some optimal stopping point? Or some method to increase the quality of experimental subjects?
Neither of these will resolve a fear of intimacy issue, of course! And I do hate to suggest someone alter their standards without knowing for myself that they are unreasonable.
.
I don’t know. For me, most of my life, I think I have been irrationally afraid of harm from the people I am interested in. In a PTSD sort of way, without any really traumatic experiences, that I know of.
And for most of this time I have been very interested in having an intimate relationship. (I’ve had a few, all ‘serious’.) And at the same time rarely attracted on a physical level, to anyone. Which is a problem that may resolve itself, for me, now that I acknowledge and work on the irrational parts of my fears, or it may not.
I think this physical level is essential, and that my awareness of it has been hampered by my fears. Is this clear?
.
I am absolutely not sure! And if my strategy for correcting my behavior in order to achieve my goals matches the optimal strategy for the actual problem, and achieved positive results, would it matter?
I can see the advantage to a correct diagnosis if the optimal strategy had no positive benefits.
I am not very familiar with the diagnostic criteria for sub-clinical OCD, but it would not surprise me to find out that I used to qualify, and may still. But it’s not a big worry for me right now.
Wow, I totally didn’t spot the second possible meaning there!
Definitely not! At least I assume he is talking about any aggressive support of ideas for reasons other than them being ideas based in reality.
.
Well, I personally don’t go for ‘voluptuous’ specifically, although I’ve been attracted to (and followed up sexual relations with) those who are voluptuous and been more than satisfied. The snuggling is far superior! But no, I was referring to the Vlad, thing!