My model for this is that there are strong norms against optimization. Specifically we are supposed to be genuine, which is to say conduct ourselves in dating as we would normally conduct ourselves, such that the people we date get an accurate view of the “real” us.
From what I have seen of online dating profiles, this view is extremely rare amongst the general population, and even rare amongst members of the rationalist community. Anectodally, people tend to be even more dishonest in their dating profiles than they are irl. Most people don’t seem to understand the concept of representing themselves accurately, much less believe it is something they should aim for.
I think it is more likely that most poorly received dating profiles/dating behaviour is due to poor social awareness, as well as limits on how well certain perceived personal flaws can be concealed. E.g. an overweight person will try to dress in a way that makes them look thinner, and will use a photo of when they weighed less, but there is only so much their clothes can do to hide their weight, and their photo can’t differ TOO much from reality because this will be discovered upon meeting irl. Also, differences in social attitudes and relationship goals can make for some unpleasant dating experiences.
From what I have seen of online dating profiles, this view is extremely rare amongst the general population, and even rare amongst members of the rationalist community. Anectodally, people tend to be even more dishonest in their dating profiles than they are irl. Most people don’t seem to understand the concept of representing themselves accurately, much less believe it is something they should aim for.
I think it is more likely that most poorly received dating profiles/dating behaviour is due to poor social awareness, as well as limits on how well certain perceived personal flaws can be concealed. E.g. an overweight person will try to dress in a way that makes them look thinner, and will use a photo of when they weighed less, but there is only so much their clothes can do to hide their weight, and their photo can’t differ TOO much from reality because this will be discovered upon meeting irl. Also, differences in social attitudes and relationship goals can make for some unpleasant dating experiences.