Almost invariably everything is larger in your imagination than in real life, both good and bad, the consequences of mistakes loom worse, and the pleasure of gains looks better. Reality is humdrum compared to our imaginations. It is our imagined futures that get us off our butts to actually accomplish something.
And the fact that what we do accomplish is done in the humdrum, real world, means it can never measure up to our imagined accomplishments, hence regrets. Because we imagine that if we had done something else it could have measured up. The worst part of having regrets is the impact it has on our motivation.
somewhat expanded version of comment on OB a couple of months ago
Added: I didn’t make the connection at first, but this is also Eliezer’s point in this quote from The Super Happy People story, “It’s bad enough comparing yourself to Isaac Newton without comparing yourself to Kimball Kinnison.”
I was talking to a friend yesterday and he mentioned a psychological study (I am trying to track down the source) that people tend to suffer MORE from failing to pursue certain opportunities than FAILING after pursuing them. So even if you’re right about the overestimation of pleasure, it might just be irrelevant.
Here is a review of that psychological research (pdf), and there are more studies linked here (the keyword to look for is “regret”). The paper I linked is:
Gilovich, T., & Medvec, V. H. (1995). The experience of regret: What, when, and why. Psychological Review, 102, 379-395.
This article reviews evidence indicating that there is a temporal pattern to the experience of regret. Actions, or errors of commission, generate more regret in the short term; but inactions, or errors of omission, produce more regret in the long run. The authors contend that this temporal pattern is multiply determined, and present a framework to organize the divergent causal mechanisms that are responsible for it. In particular, this article documents the importance of psychological processes that (a) decrease the pain of regrettable action over time, (b) bolster the pain of regrettable inaction over time, and (c) differentially affect the cognitive availability of these two types of regrets. Both the functional and cultural origins of how people think about regret are discussed.
No doubt there is truth in this… however examples spring into my mind where accomplishing something made me feel better than what I ever expected. This includes sport (ever win a race or score a goal in a high stakes soccer game?), work and personal life. The “reality is humdrum” perspective might, at least in part, be caused by a disconnect between “imagination” and “action”.
Regrets and Motivation
Almost invariably everything is larger in your imagination than in real life, both good and bad, the consequences of mistakes loom worse, and the pleasure of gains looks better. Reality is humdrum compared to our imaginations. It is our imagined futures that get us off our butts to actually accomplish something.
And the fact that what we do accomplish is done in the humdrum, real world, means it can never measure up to our imagined accomplishments, hence regrets. Because we imagine that if we had done something else it could have measured up. The worst part of having regrets is the impact it has on our motivation.
somewhat expanded version of comment on OB a couple of months ago
Added: I didn’t make the connection at first, but this is also Eliezer’s point in this quote from The Super Happy People story, “It’s bad enough comparing yourself to Isaac Newton without comparing yourself to Kimball Kinnison.”
I was talking to a friend yesterday and he mentioned a psychological study (I am trying to track down the source) that people tend to suffer MORE from failing to pursue certain opportunities than FAILING after pursuing them. So even if you’re right about the overestimation of pleasure, it might just be irrelevant.
Here is a review of that psychological research (pdf), and there are more studies linked here (the keyword to look for is “regret”). The paper I linked is:
Gilovich, T., & Medvec, V. H. (1995). The experience of regret: What, when, and why. Psychological Review, 102, 379-395.
I haven’t seen a study, but that is a common belief. A good quote to that effect,
And I vaguely remember seeing another similar quote from Churchill.
No doubt there is truth in this… however examples spring into my mind where accomplishing something made me feel better than what I ever expected. This includes sport (ever win a race or score a goal in a high stakes soccer game?), work and personal life. The “reality is humdrum” perspective might, at least in part, be caused by a disconnect between “imagination” and “action”.
Also, “Invest in the process, not the outcome”.
Often it is our imagined bad futures that keep us too afraid to act. In my experience this is more common than the opposite.
What do you mean by “the opposite”? I can think of at least two ways to invert that sentence.
I meant billswift’s original idea: that we imagine good futures and that motivates us to act.
Maybe you can set your success setpoint to a lower value. The optimum is hard to achieve. So looking for 100% everywhere might be bad.
One variable often invoked to explain happiness in Denmark (who regularly rank #1 for happiness) is modest expectations.
ETA: the above paper seems a bit tongue-in-cheek, but as I gather, the results are solid. Full disclosure: I’m from Denmark.
Awesome coincidence. I am going to travel to Denmark next week for 10 days. Will check it out myself!