Another way of thinking about it might be that “paying the bill” or “not holding the door” are indicators of the man’s personality, rather than terminal values of the woman. In this case, telling the man “I expect you to pay the bill” is counter-productive. It doesn’t actually achieve anything the woman wants—what she wants (in this hypothetical) is a man that would do this on his own. It merely eliminates “paying the bill” as a useful indicator of personality.
Granted, this strategy doesn’t work well on a man who doesn’t have an opinion on the matter and just wants to make the woman happy, but it’s a plausible explanation.
Another way of thinking about it might be that “paying the bill” or “not holding the door” are indicators of the man’s personality, rather than terminal values of the woman. In this case, telling the man “I expect you to pay the bill” is counter-productive. It doesn’t actually achieve anything the woman wants—what she wants (in this hypothetical) is a man that would do this on his own. It merely eliminates “paying the bill” as a useful indicator of personality.
Granted, this strategy doesn’t work well on a man who doesn’t have an opinion on the matter and just wants to make the woman happy, but it’s a plausible explanation.