I would describe “frames” like this: Reality has a huge amount of detail. In order to communicate about reality, we need to choose some abstractions, which means that we focus on some things, and ignore other things. Frame is the choice of what to see and what not to see.
On one hand frames are inevitable—you can never describe the full details of reality. On the other hand, sometimes they are abused, and sometimes they are not.
Abuse is when you choose the abstractions in such way that your goals become clearly visible, and the other person’s goals become impossible to communicate. Like when you create a dilemma where the only options are “the other person does what I want” or “bad things happen”, and you describe the world as if these are the only possible options; and you refuse to consider the option “the other person does what they want, and I calm down”. Not just rejecting this option, but describing the world in a way where this option does not even exist.
Like the game of chicken, when the only options are “the other person swerves” or “we crash and both die”. But instead of removing your steering wheel physically, you do it on the conversational level, by refusing to admit that there is such thing as your steering wheel. There is only the other person’s steering wheel, and their choice between life and death.
Non-abusive use of frames is collaborative, where both partners can introduce abstractions, and see how they intersect. Where one player says “well, either you swerve, or not”, but the other player say “but also, either you swerve, or not”, and suddenly there are four options to explore.
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Comparing with what you wrote, the option 3 is openly denying other person’s frame; option 2 sounds like kinda accepting but quickly conveniently forgetting the other person’s frame (hoping that the other person forgets it too), and option 4 is replacing the other person’s frame with a strawman version. Three different strategies of refusing the other person’s perspective; the same goal.
I would describe “frames” like this: Reality has a huge amount of detail. In order to communicate about reality, we need to choose some abstractions, which means that we focus on some things, and ignore other things. Frame is the choice of what to see and what not to see.
On one hand frames are inevitable—you can never describe the full details of reality. On the other hand, sometimes they are abused, and sometimes they are not.
Abuse is when you choose the abstractions in such way that your goals become clearly visible, and the other person’s goals become impossible to communicate. Like when you create a dilemma where the only options are “the other person does what I want” or “bad things happen”, and you describe the world as if these are the only possible options; and you refuse to consider the option “the other person does what they want, and I calm down”. Not just rejecting this option, but describing the world in a way where this option does not even exist.
Like the game of chicken, when the only options are “the other person swerves” or “we crash and both die”. But instead of removing your steering wheel physically, you do it on the conversational level, by refusing to admit that there is such thing as your steering wheel. There is only the other person’s steering wheel, and their choice between life and death.
Non-abusive use of frames is collaborative, where both partners can introduce abstractions, and see how they intersect. Where one player says “well, either you swerve, or not”, but the other player say “but also, either you swerve, or not”, and suddenly there are four options to explore.
*
Comparing with what you wrote, the option 3 is openly denying other person’s frame; option 2 sounds like kinda accepting but quickly conveniently forgetting the other person’s frame (hoping that the other person forgets it too), and option 4 is replacing the other person’s frame with a strawman version. Three different strategies of refusing the other person’s perspective; the same goal.