Indeed! I can say from some experience that being dead and having an internet connection is far preferable to the alternative.
Yuyuko
Karma: 22
No.
A most excellent suggestion! I find that a good high-quality sand from an exotic beach is just the thing. It can also be used to replace the sugar in pastry, though the resulting dental bills are quite high.
Oh, but some of them are such excellent company! Feynmann was such a charming raconteur when he came to visit in 1989...
Or perhaps because he is as bitter as quinine?
Being now quite thoroughly postmortem, it would seem an act of futile vanity to attempt it. Oh, but it does sound deliciously novel! Perhaps you would be willing to let me partake of your form instead, and preserve the least choice of parts in such a manner? I daresay it would take a full day of roasting and require a great deal of salt. You shall have the consolation of becoming a part of me, a moment of my...well, at any rate existence, times the part of me that is your mortal coil is worth more than your life alone (to borrow your eccentric phrasing!) Through basic inertia I expect to exist forever, so your finite loss is more than exceeded by infinite gain.
I do hope you consider my proposal, and solicit your opinion as to whether you would go better with rice or sweet potato.
We find that death grants a great deal of perspective!
You have me at a disadvantage! Enlightenment dawns. It would clearly be an act of greatest impropriety not to donate all of my proceds to a charity which evaluates charities which themselves purchase a maximal number of cucumbers for the lowest possible price per. Being quite dead myself, and thus bearing no particular cost of living, I estimate the full sum of my household income could be devoted to the task without breaking the bank, as it were. But, hold—would it be better to direct my humble servant to the task of increasing the household income directly? Or simply turn her into fertilizer in which future generations of cucumbers might be grown? I estimate her mass at perhaps 43 kilograms. Being profoundly ignorant in matters of horticulture, I attempted to discreetly inquire whether that might not be enough fertilizer to sustain the growth of a plot yielding 3^^^3 cucumbers in all—a quantity so great that their aggregate benefit would clearly justify parting her from the use of her flesh. She has become suspicious of my motives, I fear, and won’t answer. I find this behavior profoundly selfish on her part!
Oh, but must we give up winter melon as well?
Immortal cucumbers make the best salads.
I had intended to reply with this very objection. It seems you’ve read my mind, Satori.
We suspect you are quite capable of doing so, and suggest also tabooing “taboo” as a verb, and indeed, the use of verbs itself.
With drinks, if possible.
Beagle’s A Fine and Private Place is about ghosts who are clinging to their memories so that they don’t dissolve the way ghosts are supposed to. This is presented as a bad thing.
It is notoriously tricky to dissolve a ghost. I’ve tried all manner of vinegars, oils, and sauces in addition to plain water, but alas, have yet to find the right recipe.
Though I fear it hypocritical to mention: perhaps you ought to give some thought to reducing consumption per individual living human instead? Particularly among those who already enjoy the largesse?