I came to this site because I was worried about AI, I’ve stayed solely for your long-form takes. I have an inkling that our political outlooks are quite different but I think you’re a good writer and there’s a humanity to your writing that is valuable and rare.
The UK is a hellscape in many ways, but children have a lot more freedom here than in the US. My kids play out on the street most days in summer. They walk to and from school every day; when they hit 10, they’ll be allowed to walk on their own. There’s a big park which we all stop at on the way home a few times a week, and they and their friends are allowed to have free rein in it, with a few very basic rules (no leaving the park, no climbing on the fences, if anyone gets seriously hurt find an adult). While they are off digging holes, kicking footballs, climbing trees and building dens the grown ups find a nice spot to sit and chat unmolested (sometimes someone will thoughtfully bring along some wine). There have been upsets and injuries of varying severity (cut on head from a random iron bar they found in a bush, badly scraped leg from falling out of tree). But whenever I can have a relaxing hour or two sitting on the grass while my children are off having a great time unsupervised, I consider it one of those uncommon, unequivocal parenting wins. I’m guessing I’d be reported to CPS for that kind of negligent behaviour!
I do sometimes dream of moving to Norway, which seems to have right idea when it comes to parenting…
Not a doctor, but have you explored whether neurodiversity is part of the picture? What you’re describing sounds similar to how adults with PDA describe their experience.
Another helpful route might be to practice self-acceptance and stop blaming yourself for not being ‘naturally’ geared towards doing laundry. Once you do this you can focus on ways of solving the issue, e.g. paying someone to do the things you find hard.