It seems to me that this discomfort is not a necessary product of the behavior. It may even be a cognitive bias, on the order of thinking that unconditional love is more powerful than conditional love. I submit that a rationalist should expect his or her prospective partners to “calculate their love” and not be afraid of the results.
Your statement has a nice “should” in it. The reason for people not to shun you is because their discomfort is based on a (debatably) flawed heuristic.
In many cases, discomfort is a natural part of changing one’s mind. I can see, though, why romance would be an exception. Discomfort due to unrequited affections, for example, is not evidence of an impending paradigm shift. Discomfort due to a rational calculus, however, might indicate a high likelihood of irrationality.
No, it has shouldn’t in it. Shouldn’t is the negation of should.
It seems to me that this discomfort is not a necessary product of the behavior.
It seems to me that way. I did have a reference experience with a Grinberg teacher who could switch that mode of anxiety on and off by conscious decision.
She demonstrated it during a talk and it felt uncomfortable to me. I though to myself: “You made your point, it feels uncomfortable, can you now move on?”. She has more physical presence than people who are shy by their nature.
Yet that’s a matter of degree. By interacting with people who do provide honest feedback I discover that I sometimes do make people uncomfortable by being in analytical mode.
I think that if you have a nerd with bad body odor it’s mostly that he feels uncomfortable with social interactions to the extends that his body produces substances to get other people to keep distance.
Discomfort due to unrequited affections
Why would you make a girl feel that with whom you would want a relationship to the extend that you are interested enough in her to ask her out?
If a girl does flirty to make you smile and instead of smiling you go in your head and think about whether or not that signal means that she likes you, you don’t make the interaction fun for her.
I’m looking at the possible causal relationships between certain actions and resultant discomfort. As I understand your argument, you believe that certain actions by one person will always result in discomfort by the other. I disagree, and I submit that the discomfort is a product of the original action and its response. In other words, if someone has made you feel uncomfortable, it may be possible for you to reduce that discomfort independently of the precipitating action. Your discomfort may be due to an irrational bias. This would be a reason not to shun someone for making you feel uncomfortable.
There is a difference between analyzing an action and communicating that you are analyzing an action. To speak to your concluding example, “smiling back” and, “[going] in your head and think about whether or not that signal means that she likes you,” are NOT mutually exclusive. With practice, you can do both at once. I would call this leveling up.
It seems to me that this discomfort is not a necessary product of the behavior. It may even be a cognitive bias, on the order of thinking that unconditional love is more powerful than conditional love. I submit that a rationalist should expect his or her prospective partners to “calculate their love” and not be afraid of the results.
Your statement has a nice “should” in it. The reason for people not to shun you is because their discomfort is based on a (debatably) flawed heuristic.
In many cases, discomfort is a natural part of changing one’s mind. I can see, though, why romance would be an exception. Discomfort due to unrequited affections, for example, is not evidence of an impending paradigm shift. Discomfort due to a rational calculus, however, might indicate a high likelihood of irrationality.
No, it has shouldn’t in it. Shouldn’t is the negation of should.
It seems to me that way. I did have a reference experience with a Grinberg teacher who could switch that mode of anxiety on and off by conscious decision. She demonstrated it during a talk and it felt uncomfortable to me. I though to myself: “You made your point, it feels uncomfortable, can you now move on?”. She has more physical presence than people who are shy by their nature.
Yet that’s a matter of degree. By interacting with people who do provide honest feedback I discover that I sometimes do make people uncomfortable by being in analytical mode.
I think that if you have a nerd with bad body odor it’s mostly that he feels uncomfortable with social interactions to the extends that his body produces substances to get other people to keep distance.
Why would you make a girl feel that with whom you would want a relationship to the extend that you are interested enough in her to ask her out?
If a girl does flirty to make you smile and instead of smiling you go in your head and think about whether or not that signal means that she likes you, you don’t make the interaction fun for her.
I’m looking at the possible causal relationships between certain actions and resultant discomfort. As I understand your argument, you believe that certain actions by one person will always result in discomfort by the other. I disagree, and I submit that the discomfort is a product of the original action and its response. In other words, if someone has made you feel uncomfortable, it may be possible for you to reduce that discomfort independently of the precipitating action. Your discomfort may be due to an irrational bias. This would be a reason not to shun someone for making you feel uncomfortable.
There is a difference between analyzing an action and communicating that you are analyzing an action. To speak to your concluding example, “smiling back” and, “[going] in your head and think about whether or not that signal means that she likes you,” are NOT mutually exclusive. With practice, you can do both at once. I would call this leveling up.