While I still endorse my description of what’s going on there (and thanks for linking it!), in hindsight it seems like I’m describing something that has some pretty substantial costs—as I mentioned in another thread it literally prevents me from actually asking the question “how are you?”.
It does make sense to exercise some care here, as one of the effects of this social ritual is to compel disprivileged people to participate in creating a shared narrative in which they’re fine, everything is fine, can’t complain or else I’ll be socially attacked, how are you? Asking such people not to lie in response to “how are you?” may sometimes not be a reasonable request.
This is my preferred, in-depth answer to some of the implied questions here.
https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/huRxRzwcvwTzvtEPY/handshakes-hi-and-what-s-new-what-s-going-on-with-small-talk
While I still endorse my description of what’s going on there (and thanks for linking it!), in hindsight it seems like I’m describing something that has some pretty substantial costs—as I mentioned in another thread it literally prevents me from actually asking the question “how are you?”.
It does make sense to exercise some care here, as one of the effects of this social ritual is to compel disprivileged people to participate in creating a shared narrative in which they’re fine, everything is fine, can’t complain or else I’ll be socially attacked, how are you? Asking such people not to lie in response to “how are you?” may sometimes not be a reasonable request.