At least in my case, I don’t think I have depression. I’m pretty much always happy (according to my counselor, who can read my facial expressions). The happy isn’t that high, but it’s not sad either. It’s more like a stable emotion on the positive side, pretty much no matter what happened. Which isn’t that nice when things that are supposed to give you an adrenaline rush (e.g., roller coasters and jumping off planes) or feel nice (e.g., exercise or delicious food etc) still have me at the exact same regular happy. (I’m bad at emotion words because alexithymia.)
I had the book I want to read on my bedside table for months. Didn’t end up reading it. The website blocker works great though (when I remember to do it). Shoes are always by the door, but putting on the socks and then the shoes and then going down the stairs etc is a big barrier.
I really like the microsteps! I don’t have a name for them, but it’s literally the next action, then the next action, then the next action. Except it’s easy to get distracted, especially when moving from room to room or noticing something or having a question I need answered. Right now, for example, I have the rice ready but was going to start cooking, but wanted to find out the reason why something is done in cooking, which took me down the rabbit hole, which got me distracted to a bunch of different things, then I saw your message and I wrote this reply and I’m going to cook now.
At least in my case, I don’t think I have depression. I’m pretty much always happy (according to my counselor, who can read my facial expressions). The happy isn’t that high, but it’s not sad either.
Blaming others: Maybe 2? When I see how badly COVID was handled. I started preparing in January last year, the governments didn’t do much for months, and then didn’t learn and didn’t learn and kept reopening. When I see people who still haven’t learned how to wear a mask properly, who can’t keep their distance or who do things because they’re the exception for some reason? I have seen a total of three people in person since March, and none of them were unmasked or inside or at a close distance. I know I’m not contributing to the spread. This thing should have been over last summer.
Difficulty making decisions at 3 or 4, mainly because I plan a lot and have plans for when my plans fail, going multiple levels deep. e.g., my visa application got rejected last week and I knew what to do. I’m also making plans for how to meet my SO whom I haven’t seen in March if I end up in one of several countries that I might end up in by the time it’s safe for her to come. For some reason, Murphy’s law happens a lot with me, so even when I lose my job etc, it’s just an “okay, we use this plan now” thing. No shock or surprise or sadness, just a fact of life.
Spending less time with family or friends: Physically, sure (COVID), but everyone being online made them easier to access, so I spend more time overall with them.
For the Activities and Personal relationships one, it’s more lack then loss for the most part. Work is to make money, money is to be comfortable, and being comfortable allows me to do things that I like to do. Sure, work was interesting (I wouldn’t have applied otherwise), but I make it a rule not to do overtime (for the most part; sometimes I get carried away and realize the next morning that it’s the next morning). For me, wanting to learn new things is a huge motivation, and trying to figure out how to be reunited with my SO. But I don’t really have much interest in working in particular. Also, things that are supposed to be pleasurable (or adrenaline rushy, like jumping out of an airplane or going on a roller coaster) are just a “huh, so that’s how it feels like” rather than a “woohoo” that I was expecting. I attributed that to the ADHD because my reward centre is basically broken. I’m still happy all the time, never angry, sad happened only once. Satisfaction is high no matter what happens, but I always want to try and change things so that they move in a direction that would make me even happier.
Difficulty sleeping at 3 or 4, feeling tired at 2 or 3. I always want to do more things and it’s more like turning off suddenly than falling asleep. And I keep waking up to look up something or another. My fiancée is 8 time zones away, and next week it will become 14 hours, with work 6 hours away, so dealing with multiple time zones 100% of the time.
Also never really had an appetite, so not a loss. I try to eat on time, but I don’t really get hungry, and I keep an emergency jar of peanut butter for when my hands start to shake. I eat the peanut butter straight, wait for 15 minutes, and start making food. Both that and the sleep are also common with ASD and ADHD for similar reasons.
Worrying about my health: COVID. Living in a building with no stairs (4th floor in 1-indexed countries, 3rd floor in 0-indexed countries), with no family on the continent and obviously can’t come and help. I’m my own backup and support. And I don’t want to risk the long term complications because I like moving around.
Suicidal anything: Absolutely not. I want to be (functionally) immortal and non-aging.
According to the table, it’s anywhere between mild to severe. What do you think?
At least in my case, I don’t think I have depression. I’m pretty much always happy (according to my counselor, who can read my facial expressions). The happy isn’t that high, but it’s not sad either. It’s more like a stable emotion on the positive side, pretty much no matter what happened. Which isn’t that nice when things that are supposed to give you an adrenaline rush (e.g., roller coasters and jumping off planes) or feel nice (e.g., exercise or delicious food etc) still have me at the exact same regular happy. (I’m bad at emotion words because alexithymia.)
I had the book I want to read on my bedside table for months. Didn’t end up reading it. The website blocker works great though (when I remember to do it). Shoes are always by the door, but putting on the socks and then the shoes and then going down the stairs etc is a big barrier.
I really like the microsteps! I don’t have a name for them, but it’s literally the next action, then the next action, then the next action. Except it’s easy to get distracted, especially when moving from room to room or noticing something or having a question I need answered. Right now, for example, I have the rice ready but was going to start cooking, but wanted to find out the reason why something is done in cooking, which took me down the rabbit hole, which got me distracted to a bunch of different things, then I saw your message and I wrote this reply and I’m going to cook now.
That alone isn’t good evidence. Filling out Burn’s Depression Checklist would give more information.
Looking at the list:
Blaming others: Maybe 2? When I see how badly COVID was handled. I started preparing in January last year, the governments didn’t do much for months, and then didn’t learn and didn’t learn and kept reopening. When I see people who still haven’t learned how to wear a mask properly, who can’t keep their distance or who do things because they’re the exception for some reason? I have seen a total of three people in person since March, and none of them were unmasked or inside or at a close distance. I know I’m not contributing to the spread. This thing should have been over last summer.
Difficulty making decisions at 3 or 4, mainly because I plan a lot and have plans for when my plans fail, going multiple levels deep. e.g., my visa application got rejected last week and I knew what to do. I’m also making plans for how to meet my SO whom I haven’t seen in March if I end up in one of several countries that I might end up in by the time it’s safe for her to come. For some reason, Murphy’s law happens a lot with me, so even when I lose my job etc, it’s just an “okay, we use this plan now” thing. No shock or surprise or sadness, just a fact of life.
Spending less time with family or friends: Physically, sure (COVID), but everyone being online made them easier to access, so I spend more time overall with them.
For the Activities and Personal relationships one, it’s more lack then loss for the most part. Work is to make money, money is to be comfortable, and being comfortable allows me to do things that I like to do. Sure, work was interesting (I wouldn’t have applied otherwise), but I make it a rule not to do overtime (for the most part; sometimes I get carried away and realize the next morning that it’s the next morning). For me, wanting to learn new things is a huge motivation, and trying to figure out how to be reunited with my SO. But I don’t really have much interest in working in particular. Also, things that are supposed to be pleasurable (or adrenaline rushy, like jumping out of an airplane or going on a roller coaster) are just a “huh, so that’s how it feels like” rather than a “woohoo” that I was expecting. I attributed that to the ADHD because my reward centre is basically broken. I’m still happy all the time, never angry, sad happened only once. Satisfaction is high no matter what happens, but I always want to try and change things so that they move in a direction that would make me even happier.
Difficulty sleeping at 3 or 4, feeling tired at 2 or 3. I always want to do more things and it’s more like turning off suddenly than falling asleep. And I keep waking up to look up something or another. My fiancée is 8 time zones away, and next week it will become 14 hours, with work 6 hours away, so dealing with multiple time zones 100% of the time.
Also never really had an appetite, so not a loss. I try to eat on time, but I don’t really get hungry, and I keep an emergency jar of peanut butter for when my hands start to shake. I eat the peanut butter straight, wait for 15 minutes, and start making food. Both that and the sleep are also common with ASD and ADHD for similar reasons.
Worrying about my health: COVID. Living in a building with no stairs (4th floor in 1-indexed countries, 3rd floor in 0-indexed countries), with no family on the continent and obviously can’t come and help. I’m my own backup and support. And I don’t want to risk the long term complications because I like moving around.
Suicidal anything: Absolutely not. I want to be (functionally) immortal and non-aging.
According to the table, it’s anywhere between mild to severe. What do you think?