Why should it be more “honest” not to signal? We are a social species. I conceive it possible to make a close relationship closer by signalling to ones partner what is actually the case.
Things like exercise, studying, which increase fitness and status may be motivated by the desire to increase fitness and status, with signalling only a by-product of this.
In moments of threat where the amygdala takes over, and time seems to slow down, a person responds to the threat, probably without signalling. But it is meaningless to say that I am “honest” when in a fight or flight situation, and at no other time.
If most of the groups and relationships you’re in are with people who actually value honesty, yep, that’ll work very well. Unfortunately, that’s not most people’s highest priority.
There’s also the issue that when you’re dealing with people that you can’t entirely trust, dishonest signaling is intrinsic to staying safe. Autistics have a lot of trouble with that concept as a general rule—I found it counter-intuitive to have to do, and very hard to learn the skill—which is why we have such a reputation for being ‘too trusting’ and ‘gullible’. I still have to consciously notice that I’m in an unsafe situation and specifically engage that skill, and I suspect that if you don’t have to do that consciously, you’re going to badly underestimate how often you do it.
Not signalling is
Why should it be more “honest” not to signal? We are a social species. I conceive it possible to make a close relationship closer by signalling to ones partner what is actually the case.
Things like exercise, studying, which increase fitness and status may be motivated by the desire to increase fitness and status, with signalling only a by-product of this.
In moments of threat where the amygdala takes over, and time seems to slow down, a person responds to the threat, probably without signalling. But it is meaningless to say that I am “honest” when in a fight or flight situation, and at no other time.
If most of the groups and relationships you’re in are with people who actually value honesty, yep, that’ll work very well. Unfortunately, that’s not most people’s highest priority.
There’s also the issue that when you’re dealing with people that you can’t entirely trust, dishonest signaling is intrinsic to staying safe. Autistics have a lot of trouble with that concept as a general rule—I found it counter-intuitive to have to do, and very hard to learn the skill—which is why we have such a reputation for being ‘too trusting’ and ‘gullible’. I still have to consciously notice that I’m in an unsafe situation and specifically engage that skill, and I suspect that if you don’t have to do that consciously, you’re going to badly underestimate how often you do it.