One reason I suspect that “manipulative” is often assumed to go along with “selfish”, even when the two could be unrelated, is that risk aversion kicks in: a manipulative selfish person may be more harmful than a manipulative selfish person is helpful, and both will be more impactful than a naive selfish or selfless person. So rounding off an uncertain estimate of “manipulative, selfishness unknown” to “manipulative, selfish” may be a good defense. The costs of a failed alarm are higher than the costs of a false one.
This is particularly true if you don’t believe that you need to be manipulated in order to be helped. If you believe that you are capable of making good decisions based on honest information, the expected value of an interaction with a naive selfless person rises relative to the expected value of an interaction with a manipulative selfless person. If you are on the side of truth—and of course you are! - then you have no need for helpful lies. Selfless manipulation then seems at best condescending.
One reason I suspect that “manipulative” is often assumed to go along with “selfish”, even when the two could be unrelated, is that risk aversion kicks in: a manipulative selfish person may be more harmful than a manipulative selfish person is helpful, and both will be more impactful than a naive selfish or selfless person. So rounding off an uncertain estimate of “manipulative, selfishness unknown” to “manipulative, selfish” may be a good defense. The costs of a failed alarm are higher than the costs of a false one.
This is particularly true if you don’t believe that you need to be manipulated in order to be helped. If you believe that you are capable of making good decisions based on honest information, the expected value of an interaction with a naive selfless person rises relative to the expected value of an interaction with a manipulative selfless person. If you are on the side of truth—and of course you are! - then you have no need for helpful lies. Selfless manipulation then seems at best condescending.