Thanks for the reply! Switching off for who pays is something I do and don’t mind but it’s only applied to friends who meet semi-regularly. The problem with business meetings, is that it’s unlikely I’m going to be meeting them again in the future on any regular basis, if it all.
Hmm. It’s exactly this case (meals with people you don’t expect to routinely interact with) where your attempt to change/subvert norms is lowest-value and highest-risk.
For repeat partners, you may be able to get recurring value from establishing a more comfortable interaction and using that many times. For repeat partners, you have multiple attempts for them to understand your intent and get over the initial weirdness that you seem to care about this far more than most. For repeat partners, you can attempt multiple patterns and discuss which one works best.
For one-off (or rare) interactions, you have none of these advantages—just an assertion that you’re uncomfortable with the common pattern. This runs a risk that you’ll be perceived as needy or troublesome, and it will interfere with the actual interaction you want to have (presuming you’re not eating with them for the sole purpose of discussing who should pay). In most cases, I’d advise going with their preferences over yours for such meals.
The one off vs repeat interactions is a good point. I guess my dream scenario is to have this become a meme and in-turn a norm.
I think the worst co-diner’s preference is usually to awkwardly ignore that the bill is there in which case I assume their preference is that we pay for their lunch. I suppose I can say “Would you like to Venmo us or pay cash?” or something like that if we don’t think it’s worth it offer to pay for their lunch.
I guess my dream scenario is to have this become a meme and in-turn a norm.
Ah. I guess I should be transparent in saying that I don’t want this to be the norm, and I don’t intend to pursue it as a general strategy. I’m fine to request separate checks or to evenly split the bill if I think that’s most comfortable for my dining partners, but my preference is for loosely-tracked alternation.
I kind of like the lightweight obligation/excuse to repeat the meal which is incurred by having one person pay.
I kind of like the lightweight obligation/excuse to repeat the meal which is incurred by having one person pay.
Mm, I see. I guess I don’t find I need to incentivize friends to get together. And this norm would be for more casual and/or business meetings in which case I doubt people would be getting back together because they felt obliged to pay for the next meal.
Thanks for the reply! Switching off for who pays is something I do and don’t mind but it’s only applied to friends who meet semi-regularly. The problem with business meetings, is that it’s unlikely I’m going to be meeting them again in the future on any regular basis, if it all.
Hmm. It’s exactly this case (meals with people you don’t expect to routinely interact with) where your attempt to change/subvert norms is lowest-value and highest-risk.
For repeat partners, you may be able to get recurring value from establishing a more comfortable interaction and using that many times. For repeat partners, you have multiple attempts for them to understand your intent and get over the initial weirdness that you seem to care about this far more than most. For repeat partners, you can attempt multiple patterns and discuss which one works best.
For one-off (or rare) interactions, you have none of these advantages—just an assertion that you’re uncomfortable with the common pattern. This runs a risk that you’ll be perceived as needy or troublesome, and it will interfere with the actual interaction you want to have (presuming you’re not eating with them for the sole purpose of discussing who should pay). In most cases, I’d advise going with their preferences over yours for such meals.
The one off vs repeat interactions is a good point. I guess my dream scenario is to have this become a meme and in-turn a norm.
I think the worst co-diner’s preference is usually to awkwardly ignore that the bill is there in which case I assume their preference is that we pay for their lunch. I suppose I can say “Would you like to Venmo us or pay cash?” or something like that if we don’t think it’s worth it offer to pay for their lunch.
Ah. I guess I should be transparent in saying that I don’t want this to be the norm, and I don’t intend to pursue it as a general strategy. I’m fine to request separate checks or to evenly split the bill if I think that’s most comfortable for my dining partners, but my preference is for loosely-tracked alternation.
I kind of like the lightweight obligation/excuse to repeat the meal which is incurred by having one person pay.
Mm, I see. I guess I don’t find I need to incentivize friends to get together. And this norm would be for more casual and/or business meetings in which case I doubt people would be getting back together because they felt obliged to pay for the next meal.