I have found that a reliable way to reduce relationship drama is to explicitly prioritize alternative conflict-management and -resolution tools.
Plus, you know, filter for low-drama people. Poly is an advantage there, as there is opportunity to observe their drama-generation and -mitigation. And one can carry out more reference checks.
Eeheehee. Is it considered poor form among poly folk to respond to “Want to go out with me?” with “Can you provide references from your past and/or current partners?”
I can only report from direct experience, and experience reported to me, that there certainly seems to be at least one geeky poly loose social web where this is said with a smile and a laugh… but is followed up with “you’re welcome to contact them directly”.
I have seen mostly-joking forms to do this in text, too. Yes, really. Again, while it’s mostly not serious, there is a serious signal of “no skeletons in the closet”.
I suspect this is more about a certain kind geeky attitudes and aptitudes than it is about poly. q.v. “geek flirt”.
Oh, and I’ve also seen “references available on request” after an amicably resolved breakup. Again, within the sub-communities that have this geeky approach to sex and to relationships, it’s a powerful signal.
(Enjoying the meta of posting this during a trip to the USA where I’m seeing LDRs, amicable exes and friends within these geeky sub-communities. There’s a presentation in a tech conference in there somewhere too, but it’s mostly about poly and friends-known-through-poly.)
I have found that a reliable way to reduce relationship drama is to explicitly prioritize alternative conflict-management and -resolution tools.
Plus, you know, filter for low-drama people. Poly is an advantage there, as there is opportunity to observe their drama-generation and -mitigation. And one can carry out more reference checks.
Eeheehee. Is it considered poor form among poly folk to respond to “Want to go out with me?” with “Can you provide references from your past and/or current partners?”
I can only report from direct experience, and experience reported to me, that there certainly seems to be at least one geeky poly loose social web where this is said with a smile and a laugh… but is followed up with “you’re welcome to contact them directly”.
I have seen mostly-joking forms to do this in text, too. Yes, really. Again, while it’s mostly not serious, there is a serious signal of “no skeletons in the closet”.
I suspect this is more about a certain kind geeky attitudes and aptitudes than it is about poly. q.v. “geek flirt”.
Oh, and I’ve also seen “references available on request” after an amicably resolved breakup. Again, within the sub-communities that have this geeky approach to sex and to relationships, it’s a powerful signal.
(Enjoying the meta of posting this during a trip to the USA where I’m seeing LDRs, amicable exes and friends within these geeky sub-communities. There’s a presentation in a tech conference in there somewhere too, but it’s mostly about poly and friends-known-through-poly.)