From what I remember, Selfish Reasons to Have More Kids contains only a very short mention of how to inspire good behavior in children—essentially the advice to punish consistently, especially including funny or endearing offenses. The more I think about this, the more it seems to me that discipline itself is the practice of training the same response to an increasing range of stimuli.
Progress in Vipassana, and in meditation in general, comes from engaging with fewer and fewer distractions. Progress in habits comes from decreasing the number of times that you allow some override or excuse to change your plans. Progress in security comes from shrinking the number of people you make exceptions for, maybe because you don’t want to be mean to them or there are extenuating circumstances. Progress in being a fair parent comes from providing the same consequences for the same actions, even if one of your children’s actions gets a warmer reaction from you.
This isn’t to say that discipline is the only virtue, or that you ought to seek discipline for its own sake; some excuses do rise above the threshold of acceptability. But the point of training discipline is, in a nutshell, to have consistent reactions to stimuli that invite inconsistent ones.
Consistency is a core part. The trick is to know when to make exceptions (and I don’t think I have figured that out fully yet). Exceptions for legit excuses but also for novel circumstances. Too much consistency also doesn’t prepare kids for real life either. It also depends on how many and how complex rules you have to begin with. Other aspects include the approach to differences in approach between parents and between other relevant households (e.g. godparents’).
From what I remember, Selfish Reasons to Have More Kids contains only a very short mention of how to inspire good behavior in children—essentially the advice to punish consistently, especially including funny or endearing offenses. The more I think about this, the more it seems to me that discipline itself is the practice of training the same response to an increasing range of stimuli.
Progress in Vipassana, and in meditation in general, comes from engaging with fewer and fewer distractions. Progress in habits comes from decreasing the number of times that you allow some override or excuse to change your plans. Progress in security comes from shrinking the number of people you make exceptions for, maybe because you don’t want to be mean to them or there are extenuating circumstances. Progress in being a fair parent comes from providing the same consequences for the same actions, even if one of your children’s actions gets a warmer reaction from you.
This isn’t to say that discipline is the only virtue, or that you ought to seek discipline for its own sake; some excuses do rise above the threshold of acceptability. But the point of training discipline is, in a nutshell, to have consistent reactions to stimuli that invite inconsistent ones.
Consistency is a core part. The trick is to know when to make exceptions (and I don’t think I have figured that out fully yet). Exceptions for legit excuses but also for novel circumstances. Too much consistency also doesn’t prepare kids for real life either. It also depends on how many and how complex rules you have to begin with. Other aspects include the approach to differences in approach between parents and between other relevant households (e.g. godparents’).