Sounds like you’ve imprinted some sort of not exactly resentment+rejection of the power+value of female sexuality (as I think some gay men have) but rather frustrated worship+submission to it, congruent with high porn consumption, although you say you don’t actually consume much since the out and about the powerless man ogling/frustration stimulus is enough. This voyeurish mode and esp. the powerlessness arousal fetish doesn’t help you pose as the typically high-value ‘prize’ so the lack of access isn’t surprising. As an unsolicited prescription, I’d suggest getting used to interacting with as high-value women as you can stand as powerfully as possible (even if that mean just not acting thirsty; confident flirtation/approaches are even better). If your desire were more connected to pursuit you’d learn+calibrate as part of a road to increasing comfort and inevitably results.
Sounds like you’ve imprinted some sort of not exactly resentment+rejection of the power+value of female sexuality (as I think some gay men have) but rather frustrated worship+submission to it, congruent with high porn consumption, although you say you don’t actually consume much since the out and about the powerless man ogling/frustration stimulus is enough.
This voyeurish mode and esp. the powerlessness arousal fetish doesn’t help you pose as the typically high-value ‘prize’ so the lack of access isn’t surprising. As an unsolicited prescription, I’d suggest getting used to interacting with as high-value women as you can stand as powerfully as possible (even if that mean just not acting thirsty; confident flirtation/approaches are even better). If your desire were more connected to pursuit you’d learn+calibrate as part of a road to increasing comfort and inevitably results.
Do you like strip clubs?