It might be helpful to think about sexuality as a set of sliders or volume knobs. Sounds like your desire for partner sex is set pretty low, but your romantic desire is set higher. The two don’t necessarily correlate the way the culture tends to suggest [1]. Those settings would fall into the asexual part of the variable space, but not the aromantic part. Likewise, it sounds like you have non-negative feelings toward sex in general, so you probably aren’t “sex repulsed” like some asexuals.
Regarding the power fantasies, remember that fantasies are tricky things. They don’t always represent something we would or could do in real life. And the particular psychological itch that a fantasy scratches doesn’t have to be about the sex, even if you’re having fantasies where sex is going on. Could be exclusively the social dynamic that’s really doing it for you there.
[^1] This is the part it seems like your doctor has forgotten: we can be attracted, even strongly attracted to someone for reasons other than sexual desire!
I guess one thing I want to clarify is that I do feel “sexually attracted” to people, just not in a way that makes me want to have PIV sex with them. I don’t know how to carefully define “sexually attracted” here, but like: I think they’re hot, I get a boner looking at them, I might think about them when masturbating.
Also, the fantasies I have when masturbating do not involve PIV sex, and I also don’t feel a strong urge to act out my fantasies with other people. My ex and I did a bit of this, and it did feel good, but I’m mostly reasonably content to keep my fantasies private and just masturbate.
So, I’m hearing that you like looking at others but touching by yourself. Sounds ace to me. ;) I think mad has the right of it: seems likely you’d find benefit by exploring the asexual scene and see just how much variation is to be had in what many think of as a tiny slice of sexuality. Even if you eventually decide that label just isn’t for you, you’ll likely learn a lot and get a better idea how to continue your journey of self discovery (excuse the cliche, but it applies).
It might be helpful to think about sexuality as a set of sliders or volume knobs. Sounds like your desire for partner sex is set pretty low, but your romantic desire is set higher. The two don’t necessarily correlate the way the culture tends to suggest [1]. Those settings would fall into the asexual part of the variable space, but not the aromantic part. Likewise, it sounds like you have non-negative feelings toward sex in general, so you probably aren’t “sex repulsed” like some asexuals.
Regarding the power fantasies, remember that fantasies are tricky things. They don’t always represent something we would or could do in real life. And the particular psychological itch that a fantasy scratches doesn’t have to be about the sex, even if you’re having fantasies where sex is going on. Could be exclusively the social dynamic that’s really doing it for you there.
[^1] This is the part it seems like your doctor has forgotten: we can be attracted, even strongly attracted to someone for reasons other than sexual desire!
I guess one thing I want to clarify is that I do feel “sexually attracted” to people, just not in a way that makes me want to have PIV sex with them. I don’t know how to carefully define “sexually attracted” here, but like: I think they’re hot, I get a boner looking at them, I might think about them when masturbating.
Also, the fantasies I have when masturbating do not involve PIV sex, and I also don’t feel a strong urge to act out my fantasies with other people. My ex and I did a bit of this, and it did feel good, but I’m mostly reasonably content to keep my fantasies private and just masturbate.
So, I’m hearing that you like looking at others but touching by yourself. Sounds ace to me. ;) I think mad has the right of it: seems likely you’d find benefit by exploring the asexual scene and see just how much variation is to be had in what many think of as a tiny slice of sexuality. Even if you eventually decide that label just isn’t for you, you’ll likely learn a lot and get a better idea how to continue your journey of self discovery (excuse the cliche, but it applies).