My guess is to frame things in terms of skills to learn or particular attributes to acquire.
IMO, even this is too status-ey and centered on attributes of the person rather than crux-ey and centered on the discussion you want to have.
Frame things in terms of models of thinking and level of abstraction/generalization to apply here and now. There may be skills to learn (or even attributes that can’t be acquired, making the conversation at that level impossible) in order to get there, but start with what you want to understand/communicate, not with an assumption of capability (or lack thereof).
Doing this is also a reminder that sometimes washing the dishes is just the fastest way to empty the sink—generalizing to some idealized division of labor and social reward scheme doesn’t have to happen every time. It often works better to generalize when there’s not an object-level decision to be made (but beware failing to tie it back to reality at all, or you’ll ignore important details).
IMO, even this is too status-ey and centered on attributes of the person rather than crux-ey and centered on the discussion you want to have.
Frame things in terms of models of thinking and level of abstraction/generalization to apply here and now. There may be skills to learn (or even attributes that can’t be acquired, making the conversation at that level impossible) in order to get there, but start with what you want to understand/communicate, not with an assumption of capability (or lack thereof).
Doing this is also a reminder that sometimes washing the dishes is just the fastest way to empty the sink—generalizing to some idealized division of labor and social reward scheme doesn’t have to happen every time. It often works better to generalize when there’s not an object-level decision to be made (but beware failing to tie it back to reality at all, or you’ll ignore important details).