A lot of “social grace” is strategic deception. The out-of-his-league woman defers telling the guy he’s getting nowhere as long as possible, just in case it turns out he’s heir to a giant fortune or something.
And of course people suck up to big shots (the Feynman story) because they hope to associate with them and have some of their fame and reputation rub off on themselves.
This is not irrational behavior, given human goals.
The problem is the deception, not the social grace. If we succeeded to remove social grace entirely, but people remained deceptive, we wouldn’t get closer to truth. We would only make our interactions less pleasant.
just in case it turns out he’s heir to a giant fortune or something.
That seems like a highly dubious explanation to me. I guess, the woman’s honest account (or what you’d get by examining her state of mind) would say that she does it as a matter of habit, aiming to be nice and conform to social conventions.
If that’s true, the question becomes where the convention comes from and what maintains it despite the naively plausible benefits one might hope to gain by breaking it. I don’t claim to understand this (that would hint at understanding a lot of human culture at a basic level). However, I strongly suspect the origins of such behavior (and what maintains it) to be social. I.e., a good explanation of why the woman has come to act this way involves more than two people. That might involve some sort of strategic deception, but consider that most people in fact want to be lied to in such situations. An explanation must go a lot deeper than that kind of strategic deception.
A lot of “social grace” is strategic deception. The out-of-his-league woman defers telling the guy he’s getting nowhere as long as possible, just in case it turns out he’s heir to a giant fortune or something.
And of course people suck up to big shots (the Feynman story) because they hope to associate with them and have some of their fame and reputation rub off on themselves.
This is not irrational behavior, given human goals.
The problem is the deception, not the social grace. If we succeeded to remove social grace entirely, but people remained deceptive, we wouldn’t get closer to truth. We would only make our interactions less pleasant.
That seems like a highly dubious explanation to me. I guess, the woman’s honest account (or what you’d get by examining her state of mind) would say that she does it as a matter of habit, aiming to be nice and conform to social conventions.
If that’s true, the question becomes where the convention comes from and what maintains it despite the naively plausible benefits one might hope to gain by breaking it. I don’t claim to understand this (that would hint at understanding a lot of human culture at a basic level). However, I strongly suspect the origins of such behavior (and what maintains it) to be social. I.e., a good explanation of why the woman has come to act this way involves more than two people. That might involve some sort of strategic deception, but consider that most people in fact want to be lied to in such situations. An explanation must go a lot deeper than that kind of strategic deception.