Why? Because extra information could help me impress them.
I’ve always been pretty against the idea of trying to impress people on dates.
It risks false positives. Ie. it risks a situation where you succeed at impressing them, go on more dates or have a longer relationship than you otherwise would, and then realize that you aren’t compatible and break up. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing but I think it is more often than not.
Impressing your date also reduces the risk of false negatives, which is a good thing. Ie. it helps avoid the scenario where someone who you’re compatible with rejects you. Maybe this is too starry-eyed, but I like to think that if you just bring your true self to the table, are open-minded, and push yourself to be a little vulnerable, the risk of such false negatives is pretty low.
I think this is especially relevant because I think the emotionally healthy person heuristic probably says to try to impress your date.
My original intent was in talking about how I shouldn’t use information I found online about the other person to try to impress them (e.g., I find out they used to play volleyball, then slip into conversation that I like volleyball). It makes things messy.
What you’re talking about is whether one should try to impress their date in general. In this case, my dating heuristic on what an emotionally healthy person would do is up for narrow interpretation. I say ‘narrow’ because lying to impress someone would be out of scope for the heuristic. But your interpretation (trying to authentically impress and attract someone), I think most people would agree, would be within scope.
Personally, I try to live a diverse lifestyle and let the other person decide on their own if they find me impressive.
I’ve always been pretty against the idea of trying to impress people on dates.
It risks false positives. Ie. it risks a situation where you succeed at impressing them, go on more dates or have a longer relationship than you otherwise would, and then realize that you aren’t compatible and break up. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing but I think it is more often than not.
Impressing your date also reduces the risk of false negatives, which is a good thing. Ie. it helps avoid the scenario where someone who you’re compatible with rejects you. Maybe this is too starry-eyed, but I like to think that if you just bring your true self to the table, are open-minded, and push yourself to be a little vulnerable, the risk of such false negatives is pretty low.
I think this is especially relevant because I think the emotionally healthy person heuristic probably says to try to impress your date.
My original intent was in talking about how I shouldn’t use information I found online about the other person to try to impress them (e.g., I find out they used to play volleyball, then slip into conversation that I like volleyball). It makes things messy.
What you’re talking about is whether one should try to impress their date in general. In this case, my dating heuristic on what an emotionally healthy person would do is up for narrow interpretation. I say ‘narrow’ because lying to impress someone would be out of scope for the heuristic. But your interpretation (trying to authentically impress and attract someone), I think most people would agree, would be within scope.
Personally, I try to live a diverse lifestyle and let the other person decide on their own if they find me impressive.