Well, you might not be “back to normal” for a long time if you recently broke up with a fiancée. Don’t be in a rush to undo whatever epistemological habits you’ve built up; don’t forget the relationship between reversed stupidity and intelligence. I suggest getting your emotional house in order first, which may take a while.
I don’t believe in a single one
So, you didn’t improperly raise your probability estimates of the existence of ghosts, etc.? That’s great, but II hope that’s because she didn’t bring up any previously unaccounted-for evidence in favor of them instead of confirmation bias (here to be understood as discounting evidence that blows from the “wrong” quarter). Can you be more specific about her “perverse logic”? I for one would like to see more real-life examples of the Dark Arts, and resistance against them.
Well she did bring up some semi-legitimate evidence. Photographs and personal/family experiences. But I found her conclusions premature and anthropomorphic. I think a lot of what I suffer from right now is availability bias.
Do you think this might merit a post in and of itself? I can talk about some of the things that helped me stay sane and the things i had to fight against. If there’s enough support, I’ll do it.
But some examples: I was accused of not having an open mind for rejecting certain things outright. For example, no matter how many videos or sightings there are of ufo’s even by high level officials, I don’t believe that aliens would invent faster than light travel or suspended animation and then come here and flash their blinkers at us.
My inability to explain an event implied I had to accept her explanation for it. Simply saying, no I can’t explain that but I don’t think your explanation is likely was not acceptable. I wasn’t being open-minded.
Wishful thinking was abundant. Inexplicable photographic anomalies were ghosts, specifically her grandfather protecting her. Clairvoyance explained her difficulties controlling her emotions and the bad things that had happened to her in her life.
Evidence was anthropomorphized. If there was evidence for something did happen, it was immediately assumed it had a human-like origin such as a ghost or demon.
You’ve got my sympathy—borderline is strong stuff.
I’m still digging my way out from childhood emotional abuse of a different variety, so my advice is tentative, but here are a couple of things I think are helpful. One is what I call moving back behind my own eyes. Even though it’s based on homunculus beliefs, the general idea is to check on whether I’m in my own relatively direct view of the universe, or if my focus is on what other people might be thinking of me.
This seems to be a special case of something I’ve been using lately—asking myself what I’m doing, with the intent of looking at a fairly small chunk. For example, if the answer is “I’m playing a video game while thinking about what an awful person I am”, there might be a clue in there somewhere. Recent surprise: You know, it might be a mistake to beat myself up because someone else is making money from the same business idea that I had twenty years ago and never did anything with.
I think you’re up against emotional habits of thinking it was urgent to accommodate her as much as specific issues about the occult.
Thank you for the advice. And I’m willing to agree about the occult being the minimal issue. I guess the rest of my issues feel off-topic. Still, I am really thinking about writing a post about this and what rationality skills helped, it would be a good case study. Perhaps I shouldn’t limit it to just the supernatural stuff. Any thoughts on if it’d be of enough value to people?
Well, I’m not worried about the subject in the original post. I know that will repair itself, I just wish it’d happen a lot faster. The question of hope referred to your original statement of getting back to normal in general and to the damage from having a partner with BPD more specifically.
Some concerns:
Escaping tremendous guilt and guilt about being happy.
Reestablishing my values and integrity.
Reestablishing my sense of self and identity.
Building my self-esteem.
Not behaving like someone with shellshock in my next relationship.
Gabriel, have you read about BPD before? I’m getting the impression that either I’m doing a poor job of communicating the scope of my previous situation.
Sketchy view of BPD from reading about it—it involves extreme swings from “you’re the most wonderful person in the world” to “everything about you is horrible”.
Yes, at some point a therapist would be a idea. And my main reason would be that I suffered from depression for many years until entering into this relationship ironically. So I’m used to seemingly intractable mental issues.
Well, you might not be “back to normal” for a long time if you recently broke up with a fiancée. Don’t be in a rush to undo whatever epistemological habits you’ve built up; don’t forget the relationship between reversed stupidity and intelligence. I suggest getting your emotional house in order first, which may take a while.
Well she did bring up some semi-legitimate evidence. Photographs and personal/family experiences. But I found her conclusions premature and anthropomorphic. I think a lot of what I suffer from right now is availability bias.
Do you think this might merit a post in and of itself? I can talk about some of the things that helped me stay sane and the things i had to fight against. If there’s enough support, I’ll do it.
But some examples: I was accused of not having an open mind for rejecting certain things outright. For example, no matter how many videos or sightings there are of ufo’s even by high level officials, I don’t believe that aliens would invent faster than light travel or suspended animation and then come here and flash their blinkers at us.
My inability to explain an event implied I had to accept her explanation for it. Simply saying, no I can’t explain that but I don’t think your explanation is likely was not acceptable. I wasn’t being open-minded.
Wishful thinking was abundant. Inexplicable photographic anomalies were ghosts, specifically her grandfather protecting her. Clairvoyance explained her difficulties controlling her emotions and the bad things that had happened to her in her life.
Evidence was anthropomorphized. If there was evidence for something did happen, it was immediately assumed it had a human-like origin such as a ghost or demon.
It goes on.
You’ve got my sympathy—borderline is strong stuff.
I’m still digging my way out from childhood emotional abuse of a different variety, so my advice is tentative, but here are a couple of things I think are helpful. One is what I call moving back behind my own eyes. Even though it’s based on homunculus beliefs, the general idea is to check on whether I’m in my own relatively direct view of the universe, or if my focus is on what other people might be thinking of me.
This seems to be a special case of something I’ve been using lately—asking myself what I’m doing, with the intent of looking at a fairly small chunk. For example, if the answer is “I’m playing a video game while thinking about what an awful person I am”, there might be a clue in there somewhere. Recent surprise: You know, it might be a mistake to beat myself up because someone else is making money from the same business idea that I had twenty years ago and never did anything with.
I think you’re up against emotional habits of thinking it was urgent to accommodate her as much as specific issues about the occult.
Thank you for the advice. And I’m willing to agree about the occult being the minimal issue. I guess the rest of my issues feel off-topic. Still, I am really thinking about writing a post about this and what rationality skills helped, it would be a good case study. Perhaps I shouldn’t limit it to just the supernatural stuff. Any thoughts on if it’d be of enough value to people?
I think it would be valuable, though it may just mean that I think it would be valuable for me.
Instrumental rationality includes all aspects of how one can live better and/or more in accordance with one’s goals by thinking more clearly.
Alright, as a motivational technique, I publicly commit to complete it within the next two weeks. Would you be willing to do some copyediting?
Yes.
.
Sigh.
This is difficult to accept.
.
Any advice on maintaining hope in the same stroke?
The damage was...severe. She had Borderline personality disorder
Looks like you thought you had a Manic Pixie Dream Girl but wound up with a Yandere instead.
I recommend a good dose of TV Tropes until your mind settles.
Chrono......that is so accurate it scares me. Also the thought of your suggestion has made me smile all day.
(Why do people spell my name with an “h”?)
Because “chrono” is much more common than “crono”.
People get my name wrong too because of availability bias.
On a related note, I really shot myself in the foot with this username.
Every time I let it go by without comment, I feel like a bit of a fraud.
Because of Chrono Trigger
True… but the main character of that game is named “Crono” with no h.
(Don’t worry, misspelling my screen name won’t get you Gannon Banned.)
.
To put it bluntly, in not being permanently fucked up.
EDIT: Whoops, I think I forgot a comma. I was asking how to be realistic and optimistic at the same time.
.
Well, I’m not worried about the subject in the original post. I know that will repair itself, I just wish it’d happen a lot faster. The question of hope referred to your original statement of getting back to normal in general and to the damage from having a partner with BPD more specifically.
Some concerns: Escaping tremendous guilt and guilt about being happy. Reestablishing my values and integrity. Reestablishing my sense of self and identity. Building my self-esteem. Not behaving like someone with shellshock in my next relationship.
Gabriel, have you read about BPD before? I’m getting the impression that either I’m doing a poor job of communicating the scope of my previous situation.
.
Sketchy view of BPD from reading about it—it involves extreme swings from “you’re the most wonderful person in the world” to “everything about you is horrible”.
Yes, at some point a therapist would be a idea. And my main reason would be that I suffered from depression for many years until entering into this relationship ironically. So I’m used to seemingly intractable mental issues.