Being a good conversationalist, having a sense of humor
Treating other people well
Being able to take care of yourself
Honesty, integrity, straightforwaredness
Empathy
Being good at something I can appreciate (food, writing, science, dancing)
Good judgment, a track record of making prudent decisions
Inviting me to take risks together in a manner meant to reinforce the strength of our bond (a barefoot hike, going to a threesome, doing mushrooms together, going on a spontaneous and minimally planned road trip)
Giving a well-chosen complement here and there, seeing if there’s an opportunity to avoid criticism in favor of recognizing a difficult situatio
Stylishness
Having good friends, inviting me to fun experiences
As far as age goes, I’ve never dated someone more than my own age +/- 3 years, althouogh I’ve occasionally been faintly attracted to significantly older women and often been attracted to significantly younger women.
I’ve schooled myself to stop evaluating women in terms of “attractiveness,” and to start instead evaluating them in terms of being in my league. I start by assuming that the dating market is pretty efficient, then modify that by assuming that women who present as attractive immediately on meeting them tend to be less available and women who take a while to show their attractive qualities are underappreciated. I’m pretty average, and my experience is that dating more attractive women has meant I have to make a lot of tradeoffs in the ethics/brains/stability department, while dating less attractive women means that the opposite holds true. I interpret this as Simpson’s Paradox in action.
Because of that, if you are having trouble finding a high-quality stable relationship, I would suggest you consider aiming for somewhat less attractive men with better personalities, while also working to improve whatever aspects of your superficial presentation are under your control. You might try aiming for men who are older than you. I realize this is a little more information than you’re asking for, but I actually do think that there’s a difference between “noticing that someone has a hot body” and “appreciating that they are attractive.” The former feels like kind of a raw perceptive fact, the latter is something that depends on my own behavior. To make men find you attractive, you need to elicit the act of appreciating your attractiveness from them, not just “be attractive.” And eliciting the that action from them starts by selecting appropriate targets—the kind of men who will be predisposed to find you attractive often because you’re younger and perhaps somewhat more accomplished than them, at least on certain dimensions.
Such much to agree with. I couldn’t care less about long hair or stylishness but care a lot of about sense of humour and having things in common to do. But, hey, I have only really had one relationship, 30+ years and counting. Shape sadly does matter—I dont find very overweight attractive. Also wouldnt consider anyone not close to my age, probably +/- 2
Being in reasonably good shape
Long hair
Hygiene
Being a good conversationalist, having a sense of humor
Treating other people well
Being able to take care of yourself
Honesty, integrity, straightforwaredness
Empathy
Being good at something I can appreciate (food, writing, science, dancing)
Good judgment, a track record of making prudent decisions
Inviting me to take risks together in a manner meant to reinforce the strength of our bond (a barefoot hike, going to a threesome, doing mushrooms together, going on a spontaneous and minimally planned road trip)
Giving a well-chosen complement here and there, seeing if there’s an opportunity to avoid criticism in favor of recognizing a difficult situatio
Stylishness
Having good friends, inviting me to fun experiences
As far as age goes, I’ve never dated someone more than my own age +/- 3 years, althouogh I’ve occasionally been faintly attracted to significantly older women and often been attracted to significantly younger women.
I’ve schooled myself to stop evaluating women in terms of “attractiveness,” and to start instead evaluating them in terms of being in my league. I start by assuming that the dating market is pretty efficient, then modify that by assuming that women who present as attractive immediately on meeting them tend to be less available and women who take a while to show their attractive qualities are underappreciated. I’m pretty average, and my experience is that dating more attractive women has meant I have to make a lot of tradeoffs in the ethics/brains/stability department, while dating less attractive women means that the opposite holds true. I interpret this as Simpson’s Paradox in action.
Because of that, if you are having trouble finding a high-quality stable relationship, I would suggest you consider aiming for somewhat less attractive men with better personalities, while also working to improve whatever aspects of your superficial presentation are under your control. You might try aiming for men who are older than you. I realize this is a little more information than you’re asking for, but I actually do think that there’s a difference between “noticing that someone has a hot body” and “appreciating that they are attractive.” The former feels like kind of a raw perceptive fact, the latter is something that depends on my own behavior. To make men find you attractive, you need to elicit the act of appreciating your attractiveness from them, not just “be attractive.” And eliciting the that action from them starts by selecting appropriate targets—the kind of men who will be predisposed to find you attractive often because you’re younger and perhaps somewhat more accomplished than them, at least on certain dimensions.
Such much to agree with. I couldn’t care less about long hair or stylishness but care a lot of about sense of humour and having things in common to do. But, hey, I have only really had one relationship, 30+ years and counting. Shape sadly does matter—I dont find very overweight attractive. Also wouldnt consider anyone not close to my age, probably +/- 2