I’ll admit my method is flawed, but the idea was closer to asking for something beyond what is expected without acting as if it is a huge request, treating it casually.
The “not saying please” thing struck me as a good method for ensuring it stayed casual but I can see that would probably come off as rude—politeness is surely a charachteristic of most productive behaviour.
There’s actually some interesting psychological research that suggests people primarily evaluate based on how you present things: kids are only cautious when their parents seem worried, and will be much calmer and more accepting if the parents act like something is no big deal. If you present a request casually, it’s more likely to be casually accepted without thought. If you seem extremely anxious, people will pick up on that and get anxious themselves. Definitely a skill I have benefited from learning.
A sub-skill I would suggest is being okay with “no”. I’ve found that if I ask for a big favor, get a “no”, and just smile and move on, then people feel safer about me in the future—I didn’t make them feel bad, so they don’t have to be defensive about my future requests. It also makes it much easier for me to ask for the favor, and to come off casually, because I don’t have any particular investment in a “yes” answer.
I’ll admit my method is flawed, but the idea was closer to asking for something beyond what is expected without acting as if it is a huge request, treating it casually.
The “not saying please” thing struck me as a good method for ensuring it stayed casual but I can see that would probably come off as rude—politeness is surely a charachteristic of most productive behaviour.
There’s actually some interesting psychological research that suggests people primarily evaluate based on how you present things: kids are only cautious when their parents seem worried, and will be much calmer and more accepting if the parents act like something is no big deal. If you present a request casually, it’s more likely to be casually accepted without thought. If you seem extremely anxious, people will pick up on that and get anxious themselves. Definitely a skill I have benefited from learning.
A sub-skill I would suggest is being okay with “no”. I’ve found that if I ask for a big favor, get a “no”, and just smile and move on, then people feel safer about me in the future—I didn’t make them feel bad, so they don’t have to be defensive about my future requests. It also makes it much easier for me to ask for the favor, and to come off casually, because I don’t have any particular investment in a “yes” answer.