It would be easy if it just weren’t so hard.
What makes it easy is that you already know the answer. Almost everything you wrote describes and argues for this answer.
What makes it hard is that you do not like this answer. All that you say against it is “don’t wanna.”
You are asking here in the hope of getting a different answer, in order to sustain the pretence that you do not know what you do know.
I do understand, in the remote part of my brain that processes things rationally
Making it remote is another way of maintaining the pretence. It is as remote or as near as you choose it to be.
What makes it easy is that you already know the answer. Almost everything you wrote describes and argues for this answer.
What makes it hard is that you do not like this answer. All that you say against it is “don’t wanna.”
You are asking here in the hope of getting a different answer, in order to sustain the pretence that you do not know what you do know.
Making it remote is another way of maintaining the pretence. It is as remote or as near as you choose it to be.