You start the discussion with a very practical frame: “Here is some advice I intend to give you.”. You give caveats, then you give the advice, and you give some justification. The advice sounds plausible. Then you continue to a very philosophical discussion on what fear is and what people think about it that does not appear to tie in with the practical frame. While your article would appear very lopsided with so much caveat and so little content, I don’t see how the later parts help. Alternately, you can remove everything up to the 10th paragraph and write a very different sort of essay.
You start the discussion with a very practical frame: “Here is some advice I intend to give you.”. You give caveats, then you give the advice, and you give some justification. The advice sounds plausible. Then you continue to a very philosophical discussion on what fear is and what people think about it that does not appear to tie in with the practical frame. While your article would appear very lopsided with so much caveat and so little content, I don’t see how the later parts help. Alternately, you can remove everything up to the 10th paragraph and write a very different sort of essay.