We definitely want our kids involved in at times painful activities as a means of increasing confidence, fortitude and resilience against future periods of discomfort to steel them against the trials of later life. A lot of boys will seek it out as a matter of course in hobby pursuits including martial arts.
I think there is also value in mostly not interceding in conflicts unless there is an established or establishing pattern of physical abuse. Kids learn greater social skills and develop greater emotional strength when they have to deal with the knocks and unfairness themselves, and rewarding tattle-tailing type behavior with the exercise of parental power (or even attention) over the reported perpetrator creates some probably not-good crutch-like dynamics in children’s play stunting their learning of social skills.
I think it’s generally not good for kids to have power over others even if that power is borrowed, as it often enables maliciousness in kids that are (let’s face it) frequently little sociopaths trying to figure out how to gain power over others until they start developing more empathy in their teens. Their play interactions should be negotiated between them, not imposed by outside agents. Feign disinterest in their conflicts unless you see toxic dynamics forming. They should sort things out amongst themselves as much as possible.
For my boys (9,11) I’ll only intercede if they are getting to the point of physical harm or danger, or if there is a violent response to an accidental harm (must learn to control violent/vengeful impulses). But they frequently wrestle with each other in play. It is a challenge to balance with my 7 daughter though as lacking physical strength of her older brothers she works much harder to use parents as proxies to fight her conflicts.
Less cotton wool and helicopter parenting is mostly good.
We definitely want our kids involved in at times painful activities as a means of increasing confidence, fortitude and resilience against future periods of discomfort to steel them against the trials of later life. A lot of boys will seek it out as a matter of course in hobby pursuits including martial arts.
I think there is also value in mostly not interceding in conflicts unless there is an established or establishing pattern of physical abuse. Kids learn greater social skills and develop greater emotional strength when they have to deal with the knocks and unfairness themselves, and rewarding tattle-tailing type behavior with the exercise of parental power (or even attention) over the reported perpetrator creates some probably not-good crutch-like dynamics in children’s play stunting their learning of social skills.
I think it’s generally not good for kids to have power over others even if that power is borrowed, as it often enables maliciousness in kids that are (let’s face it) frequently little sociopaths trying to figure out how to gain power over others until they start developing more empathy in their teens. Their play interactions should be negotiated between them, not imposed by outside agents. Feign disinterest in their conflicts unless you see toxic dynamics forming. They should sort things out amongst themselves as much as possible.
For my boys (9,11) I’ll only intercede if they are getting to the point of physical harm or danger, or if there is a violent response to an accidental harm (must learn to control violent/vengeful impulses). But they frequently wrestle with each other in play. It is a challenge to balance with my 7 daughter though as lacking physical strength of her older brothers she works much harder to use parents as proxies to fight her conflicts.
Less cotton wool and helicopter parenting is mostly good.