Vassar:By “Sadly, because male is considered the default gender (and possibly because there are more highly masculine women than highly feminine men?), women in these cultures are required to shift their behavior far more than men are required to even when both are present in equal numbers.”
Dear God YES!!! I’ve been called “like a man” so many times for a stand in for “smart, good at math, good at physics, good at arguing, rational, eloquent, strong willed...” Any number of positive traits. If I point out that I like to cook, dress nicely, write poetry, paint, act, talk to people about their problems, take care of kittens, that I try to calm my rats down before injecting them… well, that just confuses the fuck out them, because they can’t just chalk the whole of my abilities up to my being ‘masculine.’ For a long time I took being called “like a man,” or “one of the guys” as a genuine compliment. It wasn’t until I became comfortable enough with the fact of my own femaleness that I realized it was an insult to my whole sex. I never liked the label feminist- I found it too loaded- though I suppose that is probably an accurate description of myself.
Poke:”But it’s rare that a member of the same sex is in the position to really screw with you to the point that you dwell on their motivations. Nor are we particularly concerned with pleasing them or self-conscious about how they perceive us.”
Strongly disagree. My girlfriends (not sexual use of term) have the ability to inflict far more emotional pain on my than my guyfriends… maybe because they know exactly where to stick the blade and how to twist it.
General: Case In Point: Do I think I understand men?
Well, I certainly flirted one out a $150/month on the apartment I was trying to sublet today… ‘Yes, I know I broke the door, oh dear! You’re good at physics and stuff, how shall we ever get it back on those hinges...’ particle physicist too… But that again is a parlor trick. While I think I have insight into why a lot of men might FAIL with women, that doesn’t mean I get THEM… I love men… Far too many of them seem to fall in love with me than is good for the world though. Will need to work on that.
Vassar:By “Sadly, because male is considered the default gender (and possibly because there are more highly masculine women than highly feminine men?), women in these cultures are required to shift their behavior far more than men are required to even when both are present in equal numbers.”
Dear God YES!!! I’ve been called “like a man” so many times for a stand in for “smart, good at math, good at physics, good at arguing, rational, eloquent, strong willed...” Any number of positive traits. If I point out that I like to cook, dress nicely, write poetry, paint, act, talk to people about their problems, take care of kittens, that I try to calm my rats down before injecting them… well, that just confuses the fuck out them, because they can’t just chalk the whole of my abilities up to my being ‘masculine.’ For a long time I took being called “like a man,” or “one of the guys” as a genuine compliment. It wasn’t until I became comfortable enough with the fact of my own femaleness that I realized it was an insult to my whole sex. I never liked the label feminist- I found it too loaded- though I suppose that is probably an accurate description of myself.
Poke:”But it’s rare that a member of the same sex is in the position to really screw with you to the point that you dwell on their motivations. Nor are we particularly concerned with pleasing them or self-conscious about how they perceive us.”
Strongly disagree. My girlfriends (not sexual use of term) have the ability to inflict far more emotional pain on my than my guyfriends… maybe because they know exactly where to stick the blade and how to twist it.
General: Case In Point: Do I think I understand men?
Well, I certainly flirted one out a $150/month on the apartment I was trying to sublet today… ‘Yes, I know I broke the door, oh dear! You’re good at physics and stuff, how shall we ever get it back on those hinges...’ particle physicist too… But that again is a parlor trick. While I think I have insight into why a lot of men might FAIL with women, that doesn’t mean I get THEM… I love men… Far too many of them seem to fall in love with me than is good for the world though. Will need to work on that.