I like this for the idea of distinguishing between what is real (how we behave) vs what is perceived (other people’s judgment of how we are behaving). It helped me see that rather than focusing on making other people happy or seeking their approval, I should instead focus on what I believe I should do (e.g. what kinds of behaviour create value in the world) and measure myself accordingly. My beliefs may be wrong, but feedback from reality is far more objective and consistent than things like social approval, so it’s a much saner goal. And more importantly, it is a goal that encourages genuine change.
“Oh, that,” said the king with a shrug. “That isn’t your honor, Costis. That’s the public perception of your honor. It has nothing to do with anything important, except perhaps for manipulating fools who mistake honor for its bright, shiny trappings. You can always change the perceptions of fools.”
-- The King of Attolia, by Megan Whalen Turner
What we want is for perceptions to match with what is real, not for perceptions themselves to be manipulated independently of reality.
I like this for the idea of distinguishing between what is real (how we behave) vs what is perceived (other people’s judgment of how we are behaving). It helped me see that rather than focusing on making other people happy or seeking their approval, I should instead focus on what I believe I should do (e.g. what kinds of behaviour create value in the world) and measure myself accordingly. My beliefs may be wrong, but feedback from reality is far more objective and consistent than things like social approval, so it’s a much saner goal. And more importantly, it is a goal that encourages genuine change.
What we want is for perceptions to match with what is real, not for perceptions themselves to be manipulated independently of reality.