I have a principled stance against lying. It’s been several years since the last time I did something that I consider probably-lying; that thing was hastily answering “yes” to the mother of a friend when she asked whether I enjoyed the play her daughter was in (when the truth was “I enjoyed some parts of it, but overall it was kind of meh”); I then partly corrected myself, but then I think she asked, “Well, did you like it overall?” and I think I gave a strained “yes”, when “Hmm, I would have to think about it” [it is a tough call whether I liked-more-than-disliked it] was correct; I remain disappointed with my behavior. Anyway, that is the standard I hold myself to.
I hold myself to this standard so that I am the sort of person for whom lying is just not thinkable, and who has zero practice at doing it. (Which hopefully means I’d suck at it if I tried, which means I won’t be tempted to do it, and I’ll remain in this state. (I’m amused to note that “failing to develop social skills” has been described with similar mechanics.)) Among other reasons, this is particularly valuable to me because I’m unusual in lots of ways, which means that, compared to the average person, I make implausible-seeming statements more frequently, so I have a stronger need for something that would make me credible. I suspect it’s to some extent possible for people to recognize “a person for whom lying is abhorrent and Not Done”—I think I’ve occasionally perceived this in others—and I hope to benefit from that. I have been told a few times, by someone who knew my honesty policy, that it was valuable that they could believe a comforting statement which others in my position might have made falsely.
(Yes, there are dangers. One group of dangers is: deceiving myself, making misleading but not technically false statements, and passing on uncertain information without certainty tags. Another group of dangers is saying true things with unnecessarily inflammatory phrasing, or saying more than I mean to or need to. Also, games like Mafia and The Resistance don’t work well for me.)
I don’t know about Yair, but at least for me, the problem with choosing to lie is that it destroys the above edifice. To me, “I have a huge aversion to lying in any circumstance, for any reason” is a coherent stance, a Schelling fence; and adding exceptions makes it much less plausible.
That said, I don’t think this situation is lying. More here.
I have a principled stance against lying. It’s been several years since the last time I did something that I consider probably-lying; that thing was hastily answering “yes” to the mother of a friend when she asked whether I enjoyed the play her daughter was in (when the truth was “I enjoyed some parts of it, but overall it was kind of meh”); I then partly corrected myself, but then I think she asked, “Well, did you like it overall?” and I think I gave a strained “yes”, when “Hmm, I would have to think about it” [it is a tough call whether I liked-more-than-disliked it] was correct; I remain disappointed with my behavior. Anyway, that is the standard I hold myself to.
I hold myself to this standard so that I am the sort of person for whom lying is just not thinkable, and who has zero practice at doing it. (Which hopefully means I’d suck at it if I tried, which means I won’t be tempted to do it, and I’ll remain in this state. (I’m amused to note that “failing to develop social skills” has been described with similar mechanics.)) Among other reasons, this is particularly valuable to me because I’m unusual in lots of ways, which means that, compared to the average person, I make implausible-seeming statements more frequently, so I have a stronger need for something that would make me credible. I suspect it’s to some extent possible for people to recognize “a person for whom lying is abhorrent and Not Done”—I think I’ve occasionally perceived this in others—and I hope to benefit from that. I have been told a few times, by someone who knew my honesty policy, that it was valuable that they could believe a comforting statement which others in my position might have made falsely.
(Yes, there are dangers. One group of dangers is: deceiving myself, making misleading but not technically false statements, and passing on uncertain information without certainty tags. Another group of dangers is saying true things with unnecessarily inflammatory phrasing, or saying more than I mean to or need to. Also, games like Mafia and The Resistance don’t work well for me.)
I don’t know about Yair, but at least for me, the problem with choosing to lie is that it destroys the above edifice. To me, “I have a huge aversion to lying in any circumstance, for any reason” is a coherent stance, a Schelling fence; and adding exceptions makes it much less plausible.
That said, I don’t think this situation is lying. More here.