In the second paragraph, I would strike this line:
Parents don’t do everything their children ask.
as it seems to interrupt the flow.
I think it helps establish the overall parent-child metaphor, which is important to the work.
After reading it over again, I think I agree with you.
In the second paragraph, I would strike this line:
as it seems to interrupt the flow.
I think it helps establish the overall parent-child metaphor, which is important to the work.
After reading it over again, I think I agree with you.