It sounds to me like most of the negative experiences you described were a result of the pills and are not associated with enlightenment:
I go off citrulline malate for 48 hours. And it hits me. Lethargy gone. Cloudy headed thinking gone. Ability to be productive returns. I spend 10 hours at my desk in a row. I write several thousand words. I send off 10 emails and clear my inbox. I power through my to-do list. I stick to my diet for the first time in months. I send emails, I round up outstanding notes, reorganise myself. Reset my GTD system and power through for a day.
I’ve never heard of lethargy, cloudy headed thinking, and an inability to be productive as side effects of enlightenment.
The other symptoms you described later in the post, like calmness even in the face of stressors, don’t seem negative to me as long as you don’t abuse this ability in order to ignore problems. Also, I think the calmness associated with enlightenment might feel significantly different than what you experienced. A lot of people talk about the importance of “responding skillfully” to different situations, meaning feeling anger when you should feel anger, sadness when you should feel sadness, etc, and then being able to let go of those states once they’re no longer helpful. This seems different than the vasodilator-induced state of calm you described.
not associated with enlightenment
Enlightenment states are tricky to communicate about. mainly because they don’t come from using words to point at them. I can’t “prove” I was there. All I have is my confidence.
You can try to interpret my experience to fit your narrative or you could take what I say at face value.
You may not like calmness in the face of stresses and calmness in the face of everything—once you have it. It would be a shame to have spent so long “getting there” (depending on your method) only to be disappointed. (There’s a joke here about Taoism too, if you successfully get the joke you might already be enlightened)
It sounds to me like most of the negative experiences you described were a result of the pills and are not associated with enlightenment:
I’ve never heard of lethargy, cloudy headed thinking, and an inability to be productive as side effects of enlightenment.
The other symptoms you described later in the post, like calmness even in the face of stressors, don’t seem negative to me as long as you don’t abuse this ability in order to ignore problems. Also, I think the calmness associated with enlightenment might feel significantly different than what you experienced. A lot of people talk about the importance of “responding skillfully” to different situations, meaning feeling anger when you should feel anger, sadness when you should feel sadness, etc, and then being able to let go of those states once they’re no longer helpful. This seems different than the vasodilator-induced state of calm you described.
You can try to interpret my experience to fit your narrative or you could take what I say at face value.
You may not like calmness in the face of stresses and calmness in the face of everything—once you have it. It would be a shame to have spent so long “getting there” (depending on your method) only to be disappointed. (There’s a joke here about Taoism too, if you successfully get the joke you might already be enlightened)
ie, your narrative.